Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Chicago - Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say
From each other

Even lovers need a little time away
Far away from each other

Hold me now
It's hard to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay

After all we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go

Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
From someone I love

I won't see you tonight

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and loved

Building up, inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me, you're not the one to place the blame
As bottles call my name, I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and most of all I loved
but I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me
Or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone. Please don't follow me tonight.
And while I'm gone, everything will be alright.

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight
No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

Just another thought

Usually when i had a thought, there will be definately alot of other thoughts blend together. Something says yes, something says no but this time there is only yes. But i'm wondering how can something i can ever be sure of in my life be wrong?

The Raven

"The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door --
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; -- vainly I had tried to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow -- sorrow for the lost Lenore --
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore --
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door --
Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; --
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you " -- here I opened wide the door; ----
Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" --
Merely this, and nothing more.

Then into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore --
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;--
'Tis the wind and nothing more!"

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door --
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door --
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore --
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning -- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no sublunary being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door --
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered -- not a feather then he fluttered --
Till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have flown before --
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Wondering at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster so when Hope he would adjure --
Stern Despair returned, instead of the sweet Hope he dared adjure --
That sad answer, "Never -- nevermore."

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore --
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee -- by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite -- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore;
Let me quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! -- prophet still, if bird or devil! --
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted --
On this home by Horror haunted -- tell me truly, I implore --
Is there -- is there balm in Gilead? -- tell me -- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil -- prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us -- by that God we both adore --
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore --
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting --
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted -- nevermore!

-----------------------------

The reason why i posted this poem by Edgar Allan Poe because i felt that it's quite similar to me. It tells a story of a mysterious talking raven visiting a grieving man who lost his wife/lover/closed one, Lenore, through various reasons. Eventhough "the raven" might just be the man hallucination just like me. Bipolar Disorder is clearly driving me crazy, somemore i can't help but feel that I'm being avoided eventhough i was assured that is not the case. Life is too difficult and becoming too fearful to carry on but still death is not an option. What can i do??

These are the days of our lives

Sometimes I get these feelings that i was back to those old days long ago. It felt like when we were kids and were young, things seem so perfect. The days were endless and we were crazy plus the sun is always shining. Virtually, we just lived for fun as the rest of my life is just a show. A person can't turn back the clock and the tide but if given the chance, i would go back and live those roller-coaster riding days again.

No use in sitting and thinking what you did, when you can enjoy it even after your kid is born. Sometimes when i do sit and think about it, i guessed it's best to sit back and enjoy the flow. They've gone with the swiftness of time and they were gone now but some things still remain when i look back.

Those were the days of our lives that bad things were so few. Those days are gone now but one thing's still true when i look and find that I still Love You.

Untitled

Since the first time i met you, I couldn't quite seem to forget you. And lately I seem to find that you are always on my mind. I feel so happy around you and of course, thank God that he led me to you. At first, I thought you are a good friend but I realised that the feelings didn't just end there. I'm so afraid to tell you because I didn't know what you'd do. I really happy to know that you care about me when i got a mania episode recently, but i fear tomorrow they will stop. I fear it because I love it. And everything you love, you fear you will lose.

Sometimes in life one experiences an emotion which is so strong that is difficult to think, or to reason. Sometimes you get submerged by emotion. I think it's very important to express it - which doesn't necessarily mean hitting someone. I am very mistrustful of people who are over-intellectualising things. Man, it kills passion. A person must allows himself to lose control from time to time. But i think i had let it run too wild and thus unable to get it up on my feet.

Baile Funk

I love all my rock and emo songs and now i had discovered Baile Funk

This is probably one of the best songs i had heard in recent times. As some of you know that i disliked Electro etc but i think i will make an exception with Baile Funk. Baile Funk means funk from Rio and there is so much attitude, mixed with beats and samples from the 70s and 80s. So if you really want to experiment Baile Funk, clicked on the Youtube links below or turn up your volume as my blog brings you "Girl Fight by Tigarah".

M.I.A vs Tigarah?

M.I.A - Bucky Done Gun



Tigarah - Roppongi-Dori



Let's imagine there is a battle between these 2 popular undergound baile funk rapper, who do you think will win? I personally go for Tigarah because she is really cool and her music is abit hard to find as it's only on sale on her website while M.I.A is not bad either but i only liked one of her song which is Bucky Done Gun.

M.I.A

Walk the city lonely, memories of the haunt are passing by.
A murderer walk your street tonight.
Forgive me for my crime.
Don't forget that I was so young,
Fought so scared, in the name of God and Country.

Bipolar

I'm currently having a brand new episode of the mental state of mind. I guessed the reason for this new episode is most likely caused by my inconsistent sleeping schedule. I remember my psychiatrist did told me before that too much sleep can lead to depression while too little sleep can lead to can lead to mixed mental states or mania. So i guessed this should be the reason as I'm sleeping too much hahahahahaha. Actually to be frank, the worst thing that could have happened to a person affected by bipolar disorder is suicide. I do not have any suicide thoughts ever as life is really too beautiful to end. How i wished i can stay on living like this forever but death is inevitable. A person will die even heroes with supernatural powers do if they existed outside the books in this world.

I'm really alright today after i watched the "Free Hug Campaign" video on youtube just now. I felt so inspired and happy. This is an act of some one called Juan Mann giving hugs on the street to complete strangers. This act is an example of random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by someone for the sole reason of making others feel better. Well watching him giving him to random people on the street, i suddenly feels really happy as if he came directly from the lcd screen of my laptop and give me a good hug. It puts me in such a nice spirits now that i think i can "conquer" my new episode.

The song that i'm playing on this blog is the same song that is being accompanied by this video. It's played by a Australian band, Sick Puppies who are famous for their 2001 song, Nothing Really Matters.