Death
Been 3 long years and such that i really need something to speak out to now. Recently, i got to know of someone special. Despite all the trials and tribulations brought by her "accident", she decided to end her life by hanging herself from a leather belt.
These 2 days, I have been an emotional wreck. It's not that she was my wife or something, it's something just feel to sad to let go. When she was at the hospital, I spent almost everyday visiting her. When she was at her brother-in-law or sister's place, i go up to find her almost everyday as well. We spent the last few hours together before she flew back to her own country to recuperate. I purposely setup a QQ account so that we can chat and converse freely back when we were no longer together.
On the 16th August morning, i received a call from her sister that she took her own life. I knew she was really depressed with money issue, but again this is really no reason to take her life away. IF she really endured, maybe she will have something wonderful waiting for her.
It's really true that it's easier to accept someone death if it's not by choice.
People have been saying “life goes on” as long as life has been going on. It is a universal mantra used to deal with loss and bereavement, clung to not for reassurance so much as pacification of one’s misery until enough time has passed to have its anesthetic effect. It is a necessary and natural reaction to loss, but as a statement of support, it is misleading and destructive. When you lose someone you love, life does not go on.
The loss of a loved one is a monumental event, one that can change the entire landscape of one’s life. A significant loss permanently changes the way you see your existence and how you experience it. Simply put, life as it was defined when your loved one was alive does not go on. Trying to live as if it does is both inappropriate and impossible, and ultimately self-destructive. By setting the unattainable goal of going on with life as before, you risk miring yourself in a cycle of denial and despair.
When I heard, “Life goes on”, it challenged me to move on. Though well intentioned, this was the worst advice I could be given. In order to carry on, I needed to allow myself the time to process this new reality and fully understand the ramifications of my loss. Until I did, I knew I would be living a former life that was now incomplete, rather than living life as it had become – different.
The loss of a loved one is a monumental event, one that can change the entire landscape of one’s life. A significant loss permanently changes the way you see your existence and how you experience it. Simply put, life as it was defined when your loved one was alive does not go on. Trying to live as if it does is both inappropriate and impossible, and ultimately self-destructive. By setting the unattainable goal of going on with life as before, you risk miring yourself in a cycle of denial and despair.
When I heard, “Life goes on”, it challenged me to move on. Though well intentioned, this was the worst advice I could be given. In order to carry on, I needed to allow myself the time to process this new reality and fully understand the ramifications of my loss. Until I did, I knew I would be living a former life that was now incomplete, rather than living life as it had become – different.
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