First of all, I want to wish everybody a happy new year 2006 and hopes that it will be a fruitful one. School is starting soon yet i'm not in a right mindset to attend it yet. Too much stuff had happened during the holidays, both good and bad. Well, it's good as the good outnumbered the number of bad stuff i had. Personally the bad stuff is only that i can't control my bipolar disorder and that's all. I think the good stuff well i not sure whether am i supposed to say it out yet but i think i would. I am being appointed a moderator at keeptouch forum. It's like a dream come true as i never thought that i would be a moderator at such big local forum. Officially through a private message of an admin there, my status should had been upgraded on new years' day but i not sure why that's not the case yet. But i don't there is anything to worry about, probably the admins were busy or something and i'm not hoping for the worst yet. I think having the bipolar disorder actually helps me alot. I feel that my thinking had become more mature and stuff. Bipolar disorder is not really a bad thing in my opinion. I feels that it's a test for me to better myself.
Speaking of bipolar disorder, few nights ago i had this strange dream when i was sleeping. I dreamt of jakob and i were sitting down having our meal and talking to each other. I think that it's not strange to have dreamt of a friend but i feels that it's so real and "her attitude" in my dream were no different in real life. I even remember how our conversation goes.
jakob: how are you late?
me: well, as per normal nothing good at all.
jakob: you are depress again?
me: i think so.
jakob: well, how many times must i say. depression is something that you brought it yourself. it will be over when you want it too.
me: you are another person that don't understand me at all. you know when i was depressed, i doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It felt as though my mind had burned out to a point of virtually useless. I am so haunted.... with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. I will definately say "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it..."but of course, i doubted you or any other people have any idea how i feel, although they are certain they do. If i can't feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?
jakob:.....
me: Well i'm really depressed at a time, next i'm extremely mania. At first when I'm high, it's tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear…. All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes. The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many… overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it—memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…. everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.
jakob: well i still believe it's all crap to me...
at this point i'm awaken by the people doing renovation nearby. I was shocked when i had this dream as it's so real. I'm not sure if there is any hidden message or not since i do not had such dreams before. Of all my dreams, it's all with those funny or eccentric people. But this is the first time i had someone that is so close to her real persona.
Tomorrow might be watching King Kong with Gabriel. I think most people will not believe as till now i had not watched it yet. If time permit, i might be watching The Promise as well. LOL
Speaking of bipolar disorder, few nights ago i had this strange dream when i was sleeping. I dreamt of jakob and i were sitting down having our meal and talking to each other. I think that it's not strange to have dreamt of a friend but i feels that it's so real and "her attitude" in my dream were no different in real life. I even remember how our conversation goes.
jakob: how are you late?
me: well, as per normal nothing good at all.
jakob: you are depress again?
me: i think so.
jakob: well, how many times must i say. depression is something that you brought it yourself. it will be over when you want it too.
me: you are another person that don't understand me at all. you know when i was depressed, i doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It felt as though my mind had burned out to a point of virtually useless. I am so haunted.... with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. I will definately say "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it..."but of course, i doubted you or any other people have any idea how i feel, although they are certain they do. If i can't feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?
jakob:.....
me: Well i'm really depressed at a time, next i'm extremely mania. At first when I'm high, it's tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear…. All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes. The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many… overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it—memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…. everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.
jakob: well i still believe it's all crap to me...
at this point i'm awaken by the people doing renovation nearby. I was shocked when i had this dream as it's so real. I'm not sure if there is any hidden message or not since i do not had such dreams before. Of all my dreams, it's all with those funny or eccentric people. But this is the first time i had someone that is so close to her real persona.
Tomorrow might be watching King Kong with Gabriel. I think most people will not believe as till now i had not watched it yet. If time permit, i might be watching The Promise as well. LOL
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