如果我变成回忆

Death

2011-08-17T22:25:00.002+08:00

Been 3 long years and such that i really need something to speak out to now. Recently, i got to know of someone special. Despite all the trials and tribulations brought by her "accident", she decided to end her life by hanging herself from a leather belt.

These 2 days, I have been an emotional wreck. It's not that she was my wife or something, it's something just feel to sad to let go. When she was at the hospital, I spent almost everyday visiting her. When she was at her brother-in-law or sister's place, i go up to find her almost everyday as well. We spent the last few hours together before she flew back to her own country to recuperate. I purposely setup a QQ account so that we can chat and converse freely back when we were no longer together.

On the 16th August morning, i received a call from her sister that she took her own life. I knew she was really depressed with money issue, but again this is really no reason to take her life away. IF she really endured, maybe she will have something wonderful waiting for her.

It's really true that it's easier to accept someone death if it's not by choice.

People have been saying “life goes on” as long as life has been going on. It is a universal mantra used to deal with loss and bereavement, clung to not for reassurance so much as pacification of one’s misery until enough time has passed to have its anesthetic effect. It is a necessary and natural reaction to loss, but as a statement of support, it is misleading and destructive. When you lose someone you love, life does not go on.

The loss of a loved one is a monumental event, one that can change the entire landscape of one’s life. A significant loss permanently changes the way you see your existence and how you experience it. Simply put, life as it was defined when your loved one was alive does not go on. Trying to live as if it does is both inappropriate and impossible, and ultimately self-destructive. By setting the unattainable goal of going on with life as before, you risk miring yourself in a cycle of denial and despair.

When I heard, “Life goes on”, it challenged me to move on. Though well intentioned, this was the worst advice I could be given. In order to carry on, I needed to allow myself the time to process this new reality and fully understand the ramifications of my loss. Until I did, I knew I would be living a former life that was now incomplete, rather than living life as it had become – different.

Happy 44th National Day

2009-08-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

Hi all,

i'm back to post on this terrific National Day. This year theme is "Come Together. Reaching out & Reaching up." and the theme song is "What do you see" by Electrico. I really like this song alot as it's really difference from the past national songs. Before this year theme song, most of the national songs were mainly about Singapore and how nice it will be or the singer describing how proud they were as a Singaporean.

What's difference compared to the past is that, this song "What Do You See" is being performed by a local band, Electrico. Well, this is definately not their first NDP. I remembered seeing them performed in 2006 at the National Stadium with this song, Hip City. How ironic is that the song is decribing the lifestyle in Singapore. The second main difference is that instead of singing how proud they were, or how great singapore city is but instead as a challenge to all Singaporean to think independently,aspiration to make singapore an even more better place and also to reminds us that the future is in our hands to be.

Anyway, recently i had setup a flickr account. Might be posting the links here so that everyone can see whatever stuff i took with my DSLR. Oh yeah, haha... just mentioned that i had bought my very first DSLR eventhough i'm not very happy with the shop that i bought it with as i felt that i got scammed by them but what to do, take this as an expensive mistake and moved on.

Ok once again, Happy 44th National Day to all of us. Below is the music video of "What do you see" by Electrico.

Back to basic

2009-04-16T21:58:00.002+08:00

Hi all, i've just updated my template to one of the default template. Reason being that i just want to go back to basic and to do away with all the stupid and girly theme that i had in the past. Will update again soon if i have the time.

Blog not dead

2009-04-05T02:11:00.003+08:00

Hi, for those wondering.... this blog is not DEAD. It's not active being that i'm not very free at the moment and also i do not know what to post now. I think i will update my blog soon. Just watch this space ok. Seeya

I Trust You

2009-02-23T21:36:00.004+08:00

The flowers seems to be dancing in the wind.
The rain seems to be moisturising the Earth.
Everything in this world depends on each other to survive.
Why do people hurt each other?
Why are there seperations?

Even if you travel far away, you will always remain right here in my heart.
My heart will always be filled by that gentle smile of yours.
I'll hang on tightly to that fragment of you.
Even if i felt hurt, we are still connected together.
I believe that we will meet again.
I'm waiting for your love.

I love you, I trust you.
I want to share your loneliness.
Be it the light or darkness,
we can trust each other if it's only the two of us,
No, don't let go.

Major Dilemma

2009-01-04T04:23:00.002+08:00

Hi all, first i want to wish everyone here a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. It's 2009 and i believed this year could be quite promising for some while depressing for many due to the financial recession that are happening now.

Well, it's 4:23AM on my clock now and I'm sleepless tonight. I couldn't sleep because I'm facing a major dilemma as we speak. Well last week, i went for a job interview with a foreign bank called ABN Amro. I think it went well and the people there were so convincing that they would confirmed me by this week. However, the call never came and I kind of becoming very anxious now. Because of this job as a bank teller, I actually "cancelled" or "turn down" quite a number of other job opportunities. One of which is my favoured Technology Assistant job with HP. So this well my major sleepless night come in. It's not that i don't want to work in the bank or something but still I don't viewed it in my best interest or the bank best interest that I'm a suitabl candidate for the job. The interviewer had asked me about my long time goal and i told her that I wanted to work in the IT industry which they replied me that what makes me think that this banking job is suitable for me. I can also say that I'm under quite a huge pressure on my shoulder down because my family wants me to work at the bank.

I got to admit i don't think my best interest is in the banking sector. Eventhough I'm quite comfortable with the job but however, is this in my best interest? Is this also in ABN Amro best interest? I was told that I'll be put in a 6 months contract with a possibilities of converting to perm if i performed well till the end or earlier but I think about this myself, am i being fair to them that if i quit at the end of the contract to join the IT industry or i find a job that is more suitable for me? 6 months is a long way and i did not really had any banking experience. It's not unlike the time i worked at IRC Lanshop as I do had some experiences fixing up computer and lan server. I DIY my own desktop before last time and knows how to fix up LAN during my ITE times. With this, i don't really have any experience in the banking sector which means that they have to spend alot of time and effort training me up and if i quit at the end of the contract, I don't think they would be happy about it and neither do I.

The major dilemma i'm facing now is if i called up the Recruit Express agent on monday and tell him about my issue, i believed the best advice he gave me is to not follow up with the job. I just emailed Roanne and hopefully she will see my email on monday morning but there are also risk that the position is not opened anymore or I failed the interview with HP. So it's back to square one again. But then in life, it's all about risking something for another. Can i really be a risktaker?

I know that in my life, i had not taken that much of a risk before but this would be my biggest risk. I will still call up Kenneth on monday morning to voice out my issue. I think IT industry is still my ideal career line. Think i might need to do some praying tomorrow or something.

Anyway, I don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight anyway. I can't wait for monday to come fast.

iPhone 3G

2008-12-27T00:58:00.003+08:00

Haha, one of my wishlist for 2009 actually came 6 days before the end of the year. I got my iPhone already from Singtel. Partly because i wanted to get rid of N95. Despite being a good phone, but it's too easy to get damage especially the LCD. Partly another thing that led me to buy the iPhone so soon is the trade-in price of $300 for the Nokia N95. So this is how much it cost:

iPhone 3G 8gb with Flexi Value - $448
Trade-in N95 - $300
Total Payable fee - $148
iPhone silicon case - $10
iPhone Matte Screen Protector - $10

Total Damage - $168

I would say that this is a real good bargain for a phone that can cost up to $1200 without plan.

Anyway, i got a call from Nokia today regarding the application i sent few days ago for the job as a Sales Consultant. Interview confirmed on Tuesday 11am. But i would still try to cheong the ABN Amro job which i had interview on Monday. Because if i worked as a sales consultant for Nokia, I might not have time to take up my part time studies which i intending to take when April comes since my working time would most likely be retail hours which is anytime from 10am to 10pm but i know Nokia closes around 9pm. it's a 7 hours/day job but still i still prefer working during working hours like 8am - 6pm or something similar. Pray for me.

With this I'm gonna log off. Going to play abit of Football Manager 2009 before going to sleep. Tomorrow would be another day.

It's Christmas Time

2008-12-24T20:04:00.002+08:00

Listening to: Muse - Knights of Cydonia

Hi again, i decided to update my blog now if not i don't think i got the time to update again soon. Yeah, i'm officially a civilian again. I already ORDed last wednesday and the feeling of getting my pink ic back is really great. Well it's kinda sad leaving the place that I had spent 2 years especially thinking of how many great friends i had known there. But life moves on. Now i think that i'll be facing new challenges as an adult. When i went into Army, i was still a young adult and i turned 21 in army so i think that whatever i do now is as a young adult.

Ok now for my plan for 2009. Well I had some plans for it but the major ones are of course continue with my diploma studies. My diploma studies was cut short due to mindef not granting me deferment back in 2006 and now i guessed it's right for me to continue doing so. But the problem is that well for my current situation, I couldn't get Bank Loan as I do not have a full time job now. So the earliest that I can go for my studies is in April 2009. Speaking of jobs, I was due for interview with ABN AMRO next monday at 11am. Wish me good luck as I really need a full time job now. I wanted to fund my studies and also wanted to get some of the stuff that I wanted for 2009. One is the iphone or Nokia 5800, the other is the Taiwan trip at the end of the year. Others include getting my driving license and of course getting an either PS3 or Xbox360. However, i can put these gaming stuff on hold first as I don't think i got the time to play the games.

Today being Christmas's Eve and also the first Christmas Eve i spent at home. It's a rainy day but it's really good to sleep. First thing in the morning, i recieved a good news saying that I had been shortlisted by ABN AMRO and what's better. I hoped that my week will gets better and ends 2008 on a high note which is being confirmed by ABN AMRO as their new staff. Prayed hard. Will update again i promised. :D

Mr. Raindrop

2008-10-24T11:14:00.000+08:00

Here For You - Firehouse

It's a rainy friday as i typed out this post on my blog. I had taken a day of sick leave today as I'm really not feeling well. I just came back from the poly clinic and was diagnosed with Flu by the doctor there. I heard that she was sick too from flu as well and from the last sms, she told me that she is going to see the doctor. I had not heard anything from her yet maybe i will msg her to ask how was it.

I think that it had been raining for the last 48 hours already. Mostly light-drizzle but the weather now is very cooling. It's a great time to sleep, i think the last time i experienced such "great weather" was during March 2008. This is one of the most memorable month for me. It's tiring but i experienced first hand on why we need national service in Singapore. Terrorist threat are very real and we must not let it happened in Singapore no matter what. It don't just threatened lives but also threatened the economy. If we couldn't protect our economy, foreign investors will not be encouraged to invest here, tourists will feel unsafe to travel here etc. This will definately affect the money going into this country. Speaking of economies, the world is currently facing a recession of sort. It all started in the US where investment banks made the investments into housing and for some reasons, it burst. This sent many investment banks such as Lehman Brothers into bankruptcy. AIG was "saved" at the last minute by the US government's bailout. Soon Europe follows the suit and since most of the Asian economies are linked to US dollars, the whole world is currently in sort of a recession. Eventhough many are losing monies but it's not as bad as the 1997 Asian Economic Crisis. I had faith in our government eventhough we might felt the affect for the next few months to years but there are also lights at the end of the tunnel.

However this thing came at the worst of times. I'm going to the workforce next year and i'm really worried on whether about the prospect to find a healthy job. Hope everything goes well.

Weekend coming!!!

2008-10-16T18:16:00.001+08:00

Better In Time - Leona Lewis

Hi all, i guess it's quite surprising for me to post at this hour and especially on this rainy thursday. Not sure why but i just feel like updating it. Anyway, i had a very slow week and I'm really glad that weekend is just 1 more day away. Yeah!!!

The video i attached above is "Better In Time" by Leona Lewis. She was a winner in X-Factor competition in the UK and i really like one of the past songs, "Bleeding Love". It's kind of song where it describe a relationship between a couple as it turn to a separation and the singer really hopes that she will get better in time. It's currently one of my favourite song but than i'm still in a very great relationship with HER. Anyway, speaking of her i think i shall post a picture taken last saturday at the bus stop opposite Downtown East.

It was taken using my friend handphone and i know it did shows abit of the blur but still clear to enough to see our face. Haha. Monday had accompanied Wai Kit to Far East Plaza to get his PSP. It does makes me realised that I really had not been playing PSP much recently. Well i guess probably Sony needs to come out more kick ass games to make people like me get interested in PSP again. I had yet to update to their more up to date firmware, Firmware 5.0 as i'm currently waiting for a M33 version to come out. However i won't care about what firmware they would be coming out as i'm not really of a gamer anymore. I think there are much in life waiting for me other than games i would really love to explore it after I ORD this coming december.

Anyway, there i goes again - should i get myself a tennis racket or not? I wanted to invest in one but still got this lingering feeling that since I'm only a casual player and it's not very worth it for me to get one for myself.

I think i'm logging off now. I hoped tomorrow passed fast so it's weekend and i again needed some rest. It's gonna be a long weekend for me. I'll be only returning to camp on tuesday as monday is an off day for me.

With You

2008-10-12T00:11:00.002+08:00

Hey all, i just came back and all i can say that it's a wonderful day for me. Went chalet and before that spend a great deal of time with her. I really like that feeling and i felt that I'm falling deeper and deeper for her. If i can and she is willing, i would really love to confirm her as my wife. But too bad that both of us are not ready for marriage yet. Maybe this will be our "long term project" to get married since her parent likes me and my mum is quite interested in her. HAHA

Due to my family latest interests in Tennis, i really tempted to get myself a tennis racket but then i'm just a social player and tennis is not really one of my favourite sports. I preferred more of soccer and running plus some other cardiac works such as skipping rope or a light gym work. So in the end, i decided against getting a racket. This is also due that i wanted to save up some money up so i can get something else that will be more suitable for part and parcel of my daily life be that a new pair of shoes, a new earphone for my ipod or even some clothes.

Recently i started playing my long neglected PSP again due to Star Wars The Force Unleased game. It's really a good PSP game in the vein of Devil May Cry, God of War and Heavenly Swords where you are required to perform a certain sets of buttons before you can finish off the bosses of the game. Do check it out because it's really good. Speaking of games, i'm quite interested in getting Xbox360 over PS3. I never thought i could ever be interested in Xbox360 before but their recent lineups are really good. I'm a great Sony Playstation fanboy but i got to admit that Playstation brand need an immediate remedy if they ever want to catch up with Wii while avoiding losing more grounds to Xbox360.

For those of you wondering why did i embed a video at the top. Well after what happened today of both me and her, i felt the song is the most suiting. And that is the reason why i like this song so much.

Anyway, i think i'm getting sleepy. Will update again when i have the time. Goodnight to all.

Finally Friday....again

2008-10-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

I think this is one of the many posts that entitled "Finally Friday" here.

Another hectic gone and here comes another weekend. Today i got my 22nd pay from Army which only 2 more paydays left before i ORD. Anyway, the air-con in my room is leaking again. I really wanted to contact the technician to have it drained again but did not know which brand is good. So guys if you have any reputable air-con services that can intro, do leave me a note. Many Thanks!!

Anyway, she had a blog now. I'm very glad to read it because i know what is she thinking. I will be meeting her again this coming saturday so i guess i'm quite looking forward to it. Had already signed up for The New Paper Big Walk this coming 2nd November 2008 and she say that she might not be able to finish 5km walk haha. Anyway, 5km is not really anything for me as i had finished a longer walk before in army. I had even ran this distance before so i guess it should be just any other "routine walk" for me. :P

I got Jay Chou latest cd already and it rocks. It's much much better than "I'm Busy." Guys highly recommended and to show that he is back at his best once again. Haha

Well 11pm is coming and another day over. This shows time really flies fast. I will try to update it as much as possible because i'm starting to get a lot of time from my schedule since I'm going to ORD soon.

That's all for now.

Finally Friday

2008-10-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Boys Like Girls - Thunder

Hi peeps, i'm here to update this blog abit. I'm quite busy recently and did not really had much time online. As you all know, i woke up at about 6:45am everyday and reached home usually at around 6:30pm. I spent almost 12 hours outside and only had another 12 hours at home. And in this 12 hours, 7 hours are needed for sleep which in turn only had about 5 hours of free time. It's abit less by my standard but what to do. This is life!!!

As i had stated many times before, my ord date is on 17th December 2008 and I'm already in the mood. Haha. Booked by Dental FFI on the 31st October 10:15am at Selarang Camp and after that i will need to go draw blood for HIV test just in case i contacted that disease during National Service which is quite impossible. I'm really looking forward for the day to come haha. And immediately after I ORDed, i'm going for a weekend getaway to Genting Highland, Malaysia on the weekend. Had already found out how much i needed to pay and on the schedule on what time the bus is departing. I can say quite excited for this trip and what make it more exciting is that this trip might be my first trip oversea with a good friend of mine and of course the girl i'm in a relationship in now. If i can confirmed everything by this month, i believed that this would be the most memorable trip ever overseas. After this, the next trip overseas most likely will be to Taiwan or Hong Kong.

Last weekend, Singapore held it's first ever F1 race and what make it more unusual is that it's being held at night. The world's first ever night race and probably the most exciting and dramatic race ever in F1. I know that Ferrari's was all negative about it, but it's luck they should be cursing and not Singapore's track. If Alonso and Renault can win it, but why can't them? I never like Ferrari in the first place and this incident really re-instated my belief for Ferrari. Go McLaren and Go Hamilton. You can do it. I would love to see Alonso and Hamilton on the same team again but i believed that it will never happened especially on what happened last season. But Alonso will definately do better if he join BMW next season. I had told myself that i would really want to buy tixs for the race again next year. I do not want to miss it again.

I think with this, it's time for me to log off. I want to finish watching Meet Dave before I sleep tonight. Hoped to have the time to update again.

A night with a full moon!!!

2008-09-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

listening to: Lostprophets - To Hell We Ride

Hi all, i know it's been quite a long time since i last blogged which is also the reason why i want to update it now. Firstly i would like to say that it's had been a wonderful august. I think our relationship with each other had been progressing quite well. I really hoped that it's built to last just as described in Melee's song, Built To Last. I really hoped that next year, I really had the chance to go to Taiwan with her.

Well I was in office today and i had the chance to play with the ORD Counter in my OA. Yes i finally left with 91 days of army days left. Finally it's coming to an end and i can really smell my pink IC. Well the real world start after 17 December 2008. This is the day I'm going to step into the workforce. I had not decided what I want to do yet such as whether i want to get a full-time job or a part-time job. Well i know what i want in the future yet i'm not sure what time i'm going to start to act on it. I really must start and sit down and really go through on what I really want now.

I'm having a bad case of gingivitis now and eating really sucks as my right jaws really hurts. And i need to go for a molar extraction on my left jaw. Should i go for it now or try to hang on until near my ORD date?? By the way, the gingivitis had been "cured" after persistent brushing, flossing and use of listerine. The problem is the molar. haha.

Anyway, Singtel launched iPhone on the 22nd August 2008. I really tempted by it but had heard many stories of it. The main reason of why I'm not buying it yet because I'm still an NSF and should i get it, it will still be my weekend phone which is abit expensive considering that the price plan cost about $56/mth. I think if i really get it most likely will be in December or next year.

I think i better logged off now as I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night. I want to try to have at least 6hours-7hours of sleep now. Bye all and i will blogged whenever i got the time again. (^_^)V

With Me

2008-07-28T18:21:00.000+08:00

Mood: In Love

Hi all, it's been quite sometimes since i last updated this blog. Some exciting stuff happened recently and i finally found my someone special. She is a 23 years old Libra and i really liked her alot. I think this is the first time i got this feeling since few years ago. Hey, if you ever read this i wrote this just for you:

Darling, I love you with all my heart. If you give me 100% of yours, I will return it with 102% of mine. Do not worry about your background because nothing can stop me from loving you. Nothing can stop you from loving me too. Nothing can ever come in between us and Nothing can ever seperate us.

So let makes our time together the most happiest moment of our lives. I can't wait to meet you out again.

:D

Ok this aside, last week is my unit's anniversary. This is the 9th anniversary of the Commando Regular Forces. Went to do some volunteering work at Guillemard Garden School last thursday and it's one of the most meaningful stuff i ever did. Despite being very tiring as we had to shift condemned furniture down. I got to give praises to the teachers there. They are probably the best teachers ever because the attentions and patiences the student at the school requires. Kudos to them and hope there somewhere in the future, i got the chance to do something similar again.

I think i'm supposed to go P.Tekong to support the training today but somehow not sure why, someone replaced me for both days. Guess i managed to "escape" it for now but still i think there are still chances that i might go there again because i still have 4 more months before i ORD. I can't wait for that day to come. Somemore the same feeling before i enlisted come again. Before enlistment, i was quite anxious because i don't know what to expect but now going to ORD soon, i suddenly feel that i really don't know what I gonna do after i ORD. Studies is priority but i still need money to spend but i do not know what job i wanna get. I really have to start to sit down and think about this already.

Anyway, i think might need to come back for NDP duties this weekend. How i hated it anyway. By the way i got to go. See ya all.

A Month Later

2008-07-10T21:15:00.000+08:00

Hey y'all, it's almost a month since i last updated my blog. I wanted to do so many times before but i just couldn't find the time to do so. All the training were starting to pick up and this month is probably the busiest month this year. Ex. Sealight even be compared to this, speaking of the latter. I suddenly felt so sad again while lying on my bed few days ago thinking about Taiwan. I made a vow to myself that i will return to that country soon as in next year.

Recently i managed to hear a new singer going by a stage name, Secondhand Serenade. His real name is John Vesely, a son of a professional Jazz musician. I kinda really like his music despite not being my favourite genre. I heard "Fall For You" on Perfect10 FM98.7 and liked it instantly which i went to look for the rest of his songs. In my opinion, all his songs are great even his first album which sounded more acoustic than the second. Guys if you really had the chance please do, download his songs or buy his albums. You will not regretted it.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine got enlisted and currently having his confinement week at P.Tekong. HAHA, might be going there again on the 28-30 Jul to support some trainings, if really do i will definately go down to "look" for him if it's possible. We had such a long histories since knowing him back all the way to 1999 and had become really good friends since. I think he is the last of my sec schoolmates that we are really in contact with and hanging out with each other. I'm finishing my national service this coming december and he is just starting his. I wished him all well, all the best for his ns life and not to think too much. Time will flies fast like mine. 5 more months and 4 more paydays to go. hahaha

Complacency of Our Police Force?

2008-06-12T19:36:00.000+08:00

I know many of you like me that was involved in Mas Selamat manhunt might find this abit too familiar... this is the link if you want to know more - Two re-arrested after trying to escape custody- CNA.

First why do i see that our police force are getting complacent? Had they not learn their mistake when Mas Selamat escaped? I don't want to spend another month of my NS life doing the manhunt again. That period of time despite being unmemorable but i don't want to make want to remember it anyway. It really does burnt out alot of my time and life. 5 weekends burnt plus numerous stayed in.

This week, had some very bad incidents that happened within the SAF. 2 servicemen died. 1 is an army recruit currently having his confinement weeks in Pulau Tekong while the other is a RSAF regular Officer Cadet Trainee in Brunei. I want to send my condolences to both of their grieving families. Both apparently collapsed without warning and couldn't be revived despite being provided with first aid at the very first moment it happened. It does makes me wonder does it have anything to do with the lifestyles we are living now? Because we have such a good standard of living and that a simple change in environment could trigger something drastic to our body. I remember when i was in Taiwan this past April and for the first few days, i couldn't sleep well. Despite the weather being so cooling especially and yet i was sweating buckets and couldn't shit well too. I was bleeding whenever i shit.

I think i better logged off now. My friends are trying to "psycho" me into playing Call of Duty 4 with them again. haha.

Hi again!!!

2008-06-10T23:09:00.000+08:00

Hello all,

i think i missed my usual posting time the past weekend haha, so i guessed i should update it somehow now.

Yesterday, a day after my 22nd birthday i actually went to Orchard for some shopping. This is the first time i did not get what i set out to buy. I was looking for that Topman's Ghostbuster Green Slimer Tee but only left with S or M size on sale. Kinda disappointed because i had even tried on a L size the last time i was there. I should had bought it back then somemore Topman were having a "once in a while" sale. Anyway, i think i will be getting myself a belt soon. Probably from Freshbox in Tampines Mall.

Was wearing the above shirt when i went to Orchard yesterday. It's kinda ironic because of the wording and i just turned 22 recently. Suddenly i felt that i did not really treasure my childhood well but what done is done. Got to look forward to the future, who knows that there might be some exciting adventure waiting for me out there. HAHA...

Anyway, the song playing on this blog is called Pachelbel Mashup by a DJ called Norwegian Recycling. He is a really talented artist doing mashup of some popular song. The song itself here contained 7 songs in 1. Basically he mixed the following:

1. Miliyah Kato - Love Is....
2. Los Pop Tops - Oh Lord, Why Lord
3. Coolio - C U When U Get There
4. Vienna Boys Choir - Pachelbel's Canon In D
5. Grover Washington, Jr. - Aubrey
6. Kanye West feat. John Mayer - Bittersweet Poetry
7. Pet Shop Boys - Go West

into a very good song. Do check him out at this website: http://norwegianrecycling.multiply.com/.

All the songs could be downloaded there either through direct download or torrent format.

With this, i'm going to sign out. Kinda tired already, need to go back to camp tomorrow morning at 7am. Byebye...

Sunday

2008-06-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

Well, tomorrow will be another day and the day ends in 30min time. Last week was probably my most busiest week of all. I guess tomorrow onwards things will start to settle down but from the look of the training programme, i can see alot of trainings start to come up as well. I expect tomorrow to be busy because we might be starting to return alot of stuff to the respective department.

I thinking i'm logging off now. Think the next time i update my blog will be most likely either on my birthday or on the eve of my birthday. Yay!! I'm turning 22 next week. hehehe.

Tired

2008-05-25T22:55:00.000+08:00

listening to: Air Supply - Goodbye

hey all, guess that i had been posting on saturday for the past few weeks that i think i felt strange when posting this now haha. It's 11pm as on my computer clock, and in another hour time, it will be another day. Another day of blues for the rest of the week. Speaking of computer:

This is my new laptop @ work. My little white devil, the Acer Aspire 4920G. It's really a very sleek looking laptop and i did not regret spending about $1900 for it. It cost around $1700 and i paid abit more for the extended warranty from Best Denki. Speaking of Best Denki, well eventhough i did not regret buying this computer but i regretted buying from Best Denki. As posted before, i was told to collect this computer on tuesday, 20 May 2008. Due to work commitment, i only reached there about 1845hours. When i reached there, the sales person was not in sighted so i ended looking around for awhile. After like 5 minutes later, he appeared. I show him my invoice and told him about collecting it etc. The first thing he asked me is whether had anyone called me. I told him "No" and so he insisted that the stock had not arrived yet. But i continue to persist claiming his colleague told me the stock would arrived on that day, so he got no choice but to go in and check. And guess what, 5 minutes later he brought the laptop out from the stores. Well if i had persisted, i guess this laptop will be staying inside their storeroom. I think for this attitude is because that Best Denki's workers are all paid in commission, and since my laptop is not sold by this guy, he did not really want to serve me.

Saturday was the most stupidest day ever. I was told to report back to camp by 8am in the morning but in less than 2 hours, i was told to pack up and book out. Wasted my time as it could be spend more on sleeping, wasted my energy waking up and wasted my money on bus fare and the packet of breakfast.

Oh ya, Manchester United are the King of Europe again. They won the UEFA Champions League 07/08 on 6-5 Penalty shootout after a draw of 1-1 after Extra Time. It's a very fortunate "accident" and a cruel twist of fate for Chelsea. Cristiano Ronaldo missed the 3rd Man Utd penalty and John Terry missed in what could had been Chelsea winning goal. Of course, the television shown JT being inconsolable after the match but what to do, this is soccer and the ball is round, anything could had happened. I think i had made my mind known long time ago and i should post it out again here. A team that got successful because of money is not deserving of any trophies. Success should be bought with hard work and a little bit of luck. Anyway,

GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED

With this, signed out!!!

Saturday Guy

2008-05-17T20:51:00.001+08:00

*Listening to: Duffy - Mercy

Haha i had officially become a saturday man now. If you had already noticed, my past few updates were all posted on a saturday. I just bought a new laptop today eventhough i must wait until the tuesday to recieved it because Best Denki had ran out of the stock. But i think it should worth the wait. It's a Acer Aspire 4920G

Model: Aspire 4290G-602G25MN
OS: Microsoft Vista Home Premium
Mobo: Intel DC2 T7500 (2.2Ghz, 800Mhz FSB, 2MB L2 Cache) Intel 965 Express Chipset
Memory: 3GB DDR2 RAM
Display: 14.1" XWGA Acer Crystalbrite TFT LCD, ATI Mobility Radeon HD 2400XT 1GB
Storage: 250GB HDD, DVD-Super Multi Layer drive (DVD+/-RW)

and it only weighed 2.68kg when placed with battery compared to my current laptop which weighed almost 5kg i think. Remember the days i got to carry the laptop up and down the stairs in school haha. Well it really makes me feel that i really wanted to go back to school.

I think that's about all i'm going to post for now because Portsmouth vs Cardiff FA Cup Final is coming up soon. Also before i end this, I would like everyone here to keep their prayers in their heart for the victims of the Myammar's Cyclone and China's earthquake. Pray that for the dead could find their way and peace for their soul and for the survivors to have the courage to keep on living.

Bye.

Another Saturday

2008-05-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

*Listening to: 周杰伦 - 彩虹

Hi again, finally find some time to update this blog abit. Ever since the last update, i had returned to camp. The feeling when i walked through the main gate was really negative. Like i had mentioned earlier, I had been living a highly "unusual" life for the past 2 weeks and to go back to the old lifestyles really needs time to re-adapt.

Left with only 7 months of my service to my nation, i think it's really time to plan what I'm going to do after that. My top priority is studies. I think i'm lagging behind in this aspect. But most likely I'm going to find a part-time job and also study part-time as well.

I walked into a 7-11 just now and was surprised to see this on sale in Singapore.

"Mai Xiang Milk Tea" was the taste i drink every morning in Taiwan. Drinking the drink was very nostalgia and makes me miss Taiwan more than ever. With this, I'm really serious in saving up $$$ to go to Taiwan at the end of the year.

Also recently on MSN, Wai Kit told me that his enlistment is coming on 9th July 2008 to BMTC 2. I hoped i can accompany him there as he did when i was enlisted on 18 Dec 2006. NO FEAR bro!!! BMTC life will be much better and probably the best in your whole NS Life.

Back From Taiwan

2008-05-03T00:23:00.001+08:00

sHi all. I'm back from Taiwan for a few days already but i do loved to apologised for the lack of updates after i came back. Basically is because i'm i need these time to recuperate from the trip exhaustion. Alot of things happened in Taiwan, both pleasant and unpleasant but pleasant memories outweighed the negative ones. What happened there can really be written into a storybook/novel haha.

From this trip, those that i know before i got to know them better. Of course, had been new friends and friends turned enemies too and also made new enemies. No mentioning of names as their names will tainted my pleasant blog here. I really want to return to Taiwan soon because i really like there. I like there so much that i'm already planning a holiday trip down after I ORD this December. If really can, I would really loved to go down to 高雄 to look for a girl named 林玲卉。 She is working at one of the shop at 新崛江 called Hip Hop Blog. Given her my msn both emails contact but hopefully she added me soon. I really loved to chat up with her. She told me that she might be interested to visit Singapore, if so... I'll be glad to play host to her. HAHA.

Time in Taiwan especially the last day in Taipei was really insufficient. We did not even managed to visit Shilin Night Market due to only given like 6-7 hours. We ended up at Xi Men Ting. It's a really cool place, this really shown me that Orchard Road is really small compared to other countries shopping district. Xi Men Ting is on my agenda to visit when i go Taiwan again this coming December.

I think some of you might know it if you don't. I'm a self-professed Tee-shirt siao. HAHA below are the showcase of tee-shirts i bought recently.

A BAPE tee-shirt. It's the authentic one too. I think it cost me less than 2000NT. Can't remember the exact price but it's really a good buy considering BAPE cost around $80 and above in Singapore.

Ecko Berms. I got this berms because the berms i bought to there for whatsoever reason got torn. Got it for 980NT.

An unknown brand Black Tee. I got it because i kinda like the design and when i tried it, it really suit me. The sleeve falls in just nice. Got it for 680NT.

I got this shirt together with my Nike Dunk partly because was told by the salesgirl that she would give me further discount if sales goes above 2000NT. It cost 490NT if buy alone. It's an anvil brand if anyone knows what it is.

1 of the 2 shirts i got from Xi Men Ting. It's a BrickBear design. I tried the white colour variant of it but i felt black suits me better. It cost 590NT after discount.

My personal favourite out of all the shirts i got. Basically i really like the wording on it. "When childhood dies, it's corpses is called Adult". Also the first tee-shirt i got in Taiwan. It cost 780NT

A shirt i got from Dreamland Shopping Mall. The reason i got this shirt because of the obscene picture on it. I doubted i might be wearing it at least not without an outer jacket or something hahaha. It's also the most expensive tee-shirt i got @ 1080NT.

Poker design. I like this shirt because it's design is quite unique. It's a Japanese import and one of the shop most hottest selling item at the time. Cost me 780NT.

An original taiwanese design. Basically i felt that white suited the design quite well. It's also one of the newest shirt in the shop and it's on the cover page of one of the fashion magazine. Cost me 800NT.

"Made in Pirates". I got this shirt in the night market. It's the cheapest tee-shirt i got. Cost me only 300NT.

This shirt was not bought in Taiwan but in Far East Plaza. I had been eyeing this shirt even before i went to Taiwan so now i had the sense of satisfaction after i bought it. Cost me $35.

By the way, all the pictures are taken with Nokia N95. I broke the phone in Taiwan and was very sad for the rest of the trip. If i got it with me all the way, i guessed most probably I might be the happiest man on phone. Anyway, i got it fixed already and will take extra care of it now.

Anyway, i will be signing off now as i'm going back to watch Gundam 00. I'm trying to chiong finish season 1 of it before my breaks over. Will be returning to Camp on monday. Now sure why but really felt that it's not really the same again on monday despite going back to "normal life" after what happened during the past 2 months - Taiwan Exercise and Ops Vigilant Lion. I guessed i must resettle back to my "normal life" from monday onwards. Bye Bye, will blog again once i have the time.

Ex. Sealight and Politics

2008-04-08T16:41:00.000+08:00

*Currently listening to: McFly - The Heart Never Lies

Hi all it's me again. I would like to inform that I would be leaving for my 3 weeks exercise at Taiwan later tonight. Was told to reach Terminal 1 by 2359hours. Will be back around 1205hours on 29 Apr. So i guess i will not blog until then since i don't think there will be any internet there until the 3 days R&R.

I went to orchard with sis yesterday. On the way there abroad 518, i caught a news of the olympic flames got extinguished afew times in Paris. Olympic are supposed to be a event of peace and sportsmanship. It's supposed to showcase the highest level of professionalism and our co-operation around the world but was disrupted by activists because of the current Tibet unrest. I supposed that using force by the Chinese's authorities toward the protesters at Tibet are wrong but those people trying to disrupt all the possession are more than just wrong. French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, threatening to boycott the Olympic. What i would say is shame on him. Why use politics in the Olympic. France might be one of the power nation but i don't think politics can be used this way. Since Tibet belongs to China eventhough might not rightfully be so, still at least gives peace a chance at the Olympic. Whatever Flame relay showcasing before the Beijing Olympic must continue without any issue.

Just now i watched some video of animal abuse on the internet. I really made me thinking, eventhough we are the dominant species on Earth but are we given rights to abuse other species? We really need to start doing something now and to co-exist with them as the world is meant to be shared. Also imagine the world without them, it would be very meaningless too. FUCK THE PETA as they are nothing but eco-terrorist but help groups like SPCA. We need to give the animals shelter and food but not protesting against various groups to bring about changes. All the time spent protesting could be better saving these animals from abuse.

I think i should stop posting now as i want to have a quick nap before i left for Taiwan later at 11pm. See you and God Bless!!!

I Need Anger Management Class

2008-03-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

*Listening to: Jon McLaughlin - Beautiful Disaster

I believed i do because i realised how quick my temper flares up especially what happened today. Eventhough i think the whole episode and drama was not my fault. I'm still fucking angry over it. I don't mind kena all the saikang or whatever shit but if want got saikang, make sure every one also got it as well. Fucking hell why does it that even after i off-shift, i got to continue to work. It's not that there is no one around but got like 8-9 other people slacking and idling in office and meal area but why don't call them. I and my team members woke up at around 0430 am this morning to do all the shit work. I don't mind about that because it's still during my duty hours but yet after 8am which my officer already said can leave but this fucker still keep throwing sai kang after sai kang for me and my team which i was so fucking irritated that i started to argue with him. Fucking sore loser that threatened Mr Raymond against me. I won't give a damn to him anymore that i will apply urgent leave tomorrow and definately will not return to camp. If he ask me to come back which i definately won't do it. I intended not to answer his phone call and will reply back to him if he msg me to call him back. I will reply that i will not call you back and he don't bother calling me. He call me one time, i reject his call one time. This is definately for sure.

Like what my friend said, "When you did not do anything, people will ignored you but if you do something and did wrongly, you will be fucked." I really agreed on this sentence now especially what i did for him yet he still demands more from me. I wondered how to survive 3 weeks at Taiwan with him. I should never volunteered to go there in the first place.

Just have a short exchange of msg with Valerie, i think this is the first time i typed her name here in my blog. She says that she do not have the confidence and don't even know what she studied in past few days plus her stomach making the whole thing worst. All i want to say is must have confidence girl. Ignorance and Confidence are both keys to success. From the book, Secret by Rhonda Byrne, ignore any other things that are redundant in your mind now and make your examination as dominant thoughts now. It really do helps as this what i did recently. Result came back and did very well for that particular module. All the best, must believe in yourself too.
Also i recently had a chat with a childhood friend, Rhonda on msn and she broke up with her guy of 6 years. It came just a shock because for those who knows her will definately thinks that they will meant for each other and definately spending the rest of their lives with each other. Ok Rhon, you will someday find someone who will definately need you more than him. Someone will change everything for happily ever after.

With this, i think i'm signing off.

Another weekend?

2008-03-23T01:58:00.000+08:00

*Listening to: Jason Mraz - Wordplay

Now it's into my 4th weekend just for this Mas Selamat guy. It's getting really exhaustive and irritating that it had been affecting every personnels that are involved in the manhunt personal life. But what to do, since he is still believed to be in Singapore despite report that he had been spotted in E.Java.

You see, the Singapore government had thrown so much money and effort to train up every NSF and upgrade all the technologies. We boosted as having the most modern and high-tech defense force in SE ASIA and one of the best in the world but his escape is really a wakeup call. We should not take our peace for granted and that every terrorist threat is as real as it could be. As PM Lee said, his escape is a setback and a mistake should not be repeated especially it took 40 over years to build up. I still hoped he can be caught soon so at least i can have some peace and not returning to camp each and everyday and not sleeping in peace in fear that of mindef activation.

Currently i'm really addicted to Jason Mraz's I'm Yours. It's one of the best song ever. I had heard the sample version of it but i really felt that the final version of the song is the best. Somemore it's video which i believed was filmed in Hawaii or some similar climate countries is really cool. I wonder how much will it cost to go Hawaii for holiday. I think it's one of the countries i hoped to visit before i die.

Suddenly i feel like getting myself the fedora or trilby hat. Probably this was also influenced by Jason Mraz's as well hahaha. Not sure when had i become such a great fan of his. haha

Tomorrow will have one of the greatest match in EPL ever. Manchester United vs Liverpool. I got a feeling that Man Utd will definately triumph over Liverpool. Remember Man Utd is very strong at home. I guess the secret to Liverpool's success is to shut down both Torres and Gerrard. I respect the rest of the team's abilities but I believed Man Utd got what it takes to win. Ben Foster's heroics during the last 2 matches should not be underestimated. Somemore not to forget, Cristiano Ronaldo. He should be the winner of the World Player of the Year 2008.

I think that is all for now but one last thing before i go. I was reading a discovery channel magazine today. It's something that i felt i must do. I must help up in conservation. Alot of animals had already gone and many species might follow the suit. One of them is the mountain gorilla. Fuck all the poachers and rebels killing them for food or personal gain. We don't own the world but the world owned us. Remember we were apes many years ago as well so what i'm saying that we share a similar trend to them but why do we have to kill them? Infact not just gorillas but many our animal? I don't believe in PETA as they are eco-terrorist. Bringing something to their agenda must not used threat or similar other stupid PR stunts. You can just be like Steve Irwin who tries to educate the public about them.

I think i suddenly wanted to subscribe to Discovery Channel Magazine now.

How not to name your children

2008-03-22T00:06:00.000+08:00

*Listening to: Yael Naim - New Soul

I know it's kinda late now and i need to return to camp tomorrow. But before i sleep, i guess i just blog a short post here.

I got the above picture from an email that someone sent me.

So the picture, so Mr. Suparman named his son, Batman.

Imagine when he grows up, he names his son - Spiderman bin Batman or if he has a daughter, she is being named Wonderwoman binte Batman.

Or you can also imagine this scenario that he is trying to call Singtel.

Singtel: "Hello, Singtel customer service, can i help you?"
Batman: "yeah, my phone got stolen"

Singtel: "Can i have your name please?"
Batman: "Batman."

Singtel: " ... i'm sorry?"
Batman: "Batman. B-a-t-m-a-n..."

Singtel: ".... I appreciated that you hang up if this is a prank call."
Batman: "No no, please don't my name is really Batman. Full name is Batman bin Superman."

I know i sould kinda bad but this is really funny. So the end of the story is do think properly before naming your child. Anyway, this guy reminds me of someone i met at CMPB once. Bring back such memory hahahaha.

Good Friday

2008-03-21T12:51:00.000+08:00

*Listening to: Wyclef Jean feat. Akon, Lil Wayne & Niia - Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill)

This is a good friday holiday and really "good" for me. Currently having this thing called "Operation Stand Down for 48 Hours". This means that i'm currently having 2 days worth of rest before restarting everything again this coming saturday. It might feel short but i really appreciated it alot because i really need this rest as i'm really burning out as i'm typing this. My leg still feeling tired despite almost 11 hours of sleep the previous night.

I finally bought the Manchester United current season home jersey. I'm loving it and most probably might wear it out if i'm going out tonight. I'm still thinking whether i wanna go out or not because of the fatigue issue eventhough i felt that i had recover much from it.

I think my next target could be probably the Playstation 3. I had been eyeing this for a very time already and i felt this year should be a good year to get it.

Meetup with some friends last saturday. They say the good things end fast which is quite true. Really enjoying that few hours of meetup and hopefully can do so again next week or what. Looking forward to that planned KTV session after her exam alot. I think this should be the last outing with her before i left for my Taiwan training.

Tired

2008-03-13T22:30:00.001+08:00

*Listening to: Muse - StarLight

The last time i posted here is the day Mas Selamat Kastari escaped from the detention center. Later that night around 3am was activated to help look for the fugitive. Going into my third weekend of this exhaustive search for him. I hoped everything can end soon as i'm really mentally burnt out. What's more, the Taiwan Exercise coming up and i don't think that it will be cancelled though from the looks of it. Soon i might go mad from exhaustion if this really continue. Please God, do help me as I really can't take this anymore and i believed this goes for all the personnels involved in what was believed to be the biggest manhunt in Singapore's history.

Few days ago, I dreamt of someone that i thought i had already given up on her. It's about her that just passed away and lying in the casket with a kind of brown dress with some symbols or designs on it. It was so real and when i woke up suddenly next moment, i had these dried tears around my eyes. Alright first of all, she is not dead yet but i knew she is leading some stressful life now apparently. So the next day i sms her during my lunchbreak to ask her well-being which all indication not that good. She told me she wanna quit her job because she couldn't balance out between work and school. I think you should know who you are and not too sure will you come in and read this, but do take care of yourself. Get enough sleep and drink lots of water because of the weather now as the rainfall had been going on and off. I know that work and studies together will be very stressful, even i'm experiencing it but try your best to cope with it ok?? And if you really had any personal problem please do not keep it to yourself. SMS me or MSN me and believe it, i will be the one to respond to you without fail. Take care ok??

Dear God, the only thing i ask of you now apart from ending all the "Mas Selamat Saga" is to hold and take care of her so i can have a peace of mind as I'm really troubled by that particular dream.

It's March now but it feels like December. The rain had been going on and off for a few days already. March are supposed to be getting warmer instead of raining everyday. Eventhough Singapore only have Dry/Wet season and have rainfall throughout the year but still this should be a record rainfall for the month of march. Maybe the world is changing now? It's still raining in China and it's snowing in the Middle East especially Iran and UAE. Everybody should heard of this 21 December 2012 prediction right? Maybe the world will end even before this date and probably this date is the restart of civilisation and we will go into stone age yet again. Should this happen, maybe the Earth will repair and heal by itself for millions of years.

So whether i die before that date or not, guess i'm only left with 4 years on Earth. I would rather live fast die young instead of worrying about whatever things that going to happen.

1 Month Later....

2008-02-27T18:43:00.000+08:00

*Listening to Ayaka - Why

Hi all, i must say it's a wonderful 1 and a half month before i post. I'm really busy recently from camp as i need to attend conference after conference and had been working O.T recently as my side is preparing our very first oversea exercise. I will flying off to Taiwan on 6 April and be coming back only on 26 April. It's a 3 weeks trip there with last 3 days being Relax & Recreation. Very looking forward to this trip as it would be the first time i'm going to Taiwan eventhough it's on training trip.

Ok now, alot of things happened these past months. One of it is the Lunar New Year. I can say i had a memorable Lunar New Year. I'm already looking for the next one already on the 23 Jan 2009. By that time, I've already returned to civilian life. Speaking of National Service, I would like to think that these 2 years is a dream. It's like living in a dreamlike place which is so surreal.

Anyway, after i come back from Taiwan, I'm very tempted to get the PS3. It's the best next-gen gaming console ever. Xbox360 was too overrated, Wii is for kiddo and noob and the PS3 is for the true gamers.

HAHAHAHA

I.V

2008-01-10T19:33:00.000+08:00

X-Japan - I.V

Needles are piercing through my skin
I'll tell you the feeling what it's like
Is life just all about deception?

Please don't be a part of a fairy tale,
but you're so young to play with thy own will
Should I trade the breath of my life for freedom?

(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein

Needles are piercing through my skin
I don't fear the fucking life

This never meant I can't sit by
They say as if it takes me somewhere
Just let me swallow the faith by injection
Life better be rushing to my head, my love

I've played with this game before to find a piece of my true self!
I'm lost within!

(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein

I'm feeling my pain
Do you feel where it's been
Can you cope with history of the world,
when it's sad part of life?
Can set the shadows fade,
forever fade away

I'm calling you, dear.
Can't you see me standing right here?
Life's bleeding from fear.
I'll give it straight from my vein.

(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein

Empty

2007-12-27T01:49:00.000+08:00

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I wanna fill this new frame
But it's Empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
It's been getting better
I think
I've got a peice of paper
But it's Empty

It's Empty
Maybe we're trying
Trying to hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're Empty

And I even wonder
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But it's Empty

It's Empty
Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're Empty

Oh, oh.
Oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh.
Oh, oh.

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're Empty
(Maybe we're trying)
(Trying to hard)
(Maybe we're torn apart)
We're Empty
(Maybe the timing)
(Is beating our hearts)
We're Empty

Merry Christmas

2007-12-26T00:32:00.000+08:00

Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Jingle all the way.

Yes, it's once again the time of the year that i felt quite happy. Christmas is also known as the happiest holiday of the year together with Lunar New Year for me. But suddenly, i felt that i don't quite like this christmas for some obvious reason.

Something happened last year around this time that left a darkness in my heart. This darkness will probably not find any light to shine on it again.

Eventhough that we are on talking terms now, but i guess things happened and it happened for a reason. These things happened thus created a new story for both of us. Times will tell whether these new story will have a good ending or not.

Christmas is here so is my 1 week leave. For the rest of the year till 2nd Jan 08, i will not be going back to camp. A sigh of relief as i really need this break alot. 1 year in army really starts to get a toll on me. I felt really tired and mentally burnt out. Hopefully i can get these 1 week to do the things that i want and want recharge my batteries before going to face my last year in this prison that held all those "non-criminal". HAHA, what's up is 2008 and my ORD date is 17 Dec 2008. So i guessed i must feel happy.

Just another crap.

2007-12-15T13:30:00.000+08:00

I'm here to post yet another entry to this blog. Been quite busy recently but well only left with 3 and half day of working day this year so i guess should be looking forward to all the holidays. HAHA.

Recently was reading stomp recently and i realised singaporean likes to make a big fuss over some small issues online. they must have aweful lot of freetime to take picture and sent to stomp. But still some are quite informative such as worms found inside some ferrero roche chocolate or dead lizard found among the food at marina south chong pang. But the rest are just downright pointless and redundant.

Guess next year April, i might be going to 2 countries within a month. I will be going to hong kong with wai kit from 1 Apr to 6Apr. When i reported back to camp, i will be leaving for Taiwan on a missions from 9 Apr till 31 Apr. Not sure to be happy or what i guess i must get ready my passport soon. hahaha

This week no Mad TV

2007-12-02T22:22:00.000+08:00

Currently had some headache but still bearable. Went to sitex IT fair today, abit crowded though but their price really fucking cheap. Just that i had nothing in mind to buy. Maybe next year, gotta save up for my new desktop you know. But currently, the hong kong trip is my main priority haha.

This week no Mad TV. Guess i got to wait until the Writers' Guild Strike to be over. Hope it finished soon, i will go mad if i'm deprived of the weekly dosage of Mad TV. Currently, feeding my Mad Tv addiction is watching some old episodes of it on Comedy Central. Got to watch it from TVUplayer. Hopefully it doesn't "disappear" from the tray like how FOX did.

Today is the 2nd December. In another 15 more days, I will become an one year soldier. So guessed i'm left with just another year to go. lol.

Excited

2007-11-19T00:30:00.000+08:00

As i mentioned in my previous post. Yeah I might be going to Hong Kong for tour next year probably in April or Late March. I just did a research and found out that Jetstar did have budget travel to HK itself. So i guessed i could save another $300 on air tickets. Each of us got to pay $362 for the 3hours flight from Singapore to Hong Kong. I believed Wai Kit should be quite please after hearing this news as he could save money as well. Now it all comes back to hotel again.

After doing some researching, i had found a good place to stay. It's called Anne Black Hotel which is located nearby the shopping district such as Temple Street, Ladies Street etc. Not sure whether will it be a good idea staying there because it's a 2 stars hotel. I read some reviews online and all are saying that this is quite a good choice consider the price.

Looking at the time, wow it's almost 1am. Got to sleep soon as i need to go to camp tomorrow morning. Signed off!!!

Busy

2007-11-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

Hey guys,

sorry for the lack of updates because i'm really busy trying to juggle between camp and my night classes. I felt that i'm quite mentally burnt out at the moment. But guess what, i think life might be getting better for now because as activities in camp is slowing down. I guess i could get my much needed rest. After that and 1 more year before that holy time comes.

Eventhough not that much, but i suddenly had this nostalgia feeling recently. This feeling made me really want to take the aeroplane again. I really want to go on a tour for now. Got a few destinations in mind but Tokyo and Los Angeles remains among one of the top of my lists.

Hopefully i got the chance to do this before i moved on. hahaha. Crapz

Anyway, i'm already starting the planning and discussion for a tour with Wai Kit now. We are planning to go to Hong Kong around the middle of next year. For now, we are still in the midst of planning on how to get there, where are we going to stay when we got there and such.

With this, i guessed i'm logging off. Till next time, hopefully it will not be a long time before i post again. hehehe

On The Side Of Me

2007-08-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

Corrinne May is one of my fave singer-songwriters from Singapore.

She draws lots of inspiration from her life in Singapore, sickness, family, frenz and her spiritual experiences.

Her lyrics are heartfelt and a lot of people find her songs easy to relate to.

Here's one from her latest album "Beautiful Seed" (out now in the music stores!)

'On The Side Of Me'
by Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

In Loving Memory Of Zachary

2007-08-19T17:31:00.000+08:00

Bro, it's really heart breaking to hear that you already left this place. You will forever be trapped inside my memories. I will definately see you when my time is up as well. Hopefully, you knew some new friends up there so you won't be that lonely while waiting for us to join you.

Plain White T's - Radios In Heaven

Your time has already come and I don't know why
The last thing that I had heard
You were doing just fine
It seems like just yesterday
I was laughing with you
Playing games at Grandma's house
Well you taught me well, didn't you?
I hope I'm just like you

(chorus)
Do they have radios in heaven?
I hope they do
Cause they're playing my song on the radio
And I'm singing it to you

You left before I had a chance to say goodbye
But that's the way life usually is
It just passes you by
But you can't hold on to regrets
And you can't look back
So I'll just be thankful for the
Times that I had with you
I hope I'm just like you

(repeat chorus)

If they don't have radios in heaven
Here's what I'll do
I can bring my guitar when my time is up
And I'll play it for you

Tell me can you hear me now
If not, then I can try to sing real loud
What's it like up on the other side of the clouds?
I hope I'm just like you
I hope I turn out to be as good as you

Odex

2007-08-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

Was reading the newspaper the other day and realised that this "unknown" anime local distributor company called "Odex" is sueing people for downloading of popular animes they "represented".

Who is Odex?
According to wikipedia, Odex is a Singaporean company that licenses and releases anime for local and regional (South East Asian) consumption.

Firstly, why i decided to so call flame this company. Well they started to sue people that downloaded those anime they represented. They had gone to the legal system to demand the 3 major ISP in Singapore to reveal informations of the accused downloaders. After they got the informations, they sent out a letter demanding a promise not to download anymore anime and a $3,000 to $5,000 fine. If not, they will pursue legal actions against the accused.

Odex is really fucked up in my opinion. A search on google reveal that their official website is "Under Construction". Secondly, they did not do any advertising for their products. Most only knew about the anime when they saw it on sale at Laserflair or TS. Thirdly, they did not made an effort to get close to the fans by organising events such as the Comic-con or something similar to Cosfest where they let fans cosplay their favourite characters as well as publicising their latest release. In this note, most people i read on various forums such as my own Keeptouch, HWZ etc did not even know who is Odex. I myself bought some animes from them without knowing them as well. I will say their quality of anime really sucks to the core. Blurry image and ugly font for the subtitles. Somemore there are rumours that they used subtitles from Hong Kong or Taiwan and directly translated the chinese words to english.

The prices of Odex anime are claimed to be generally cheaper then compared to their American or Japanese counterparts. However, while American/Japanese DVDs usually contain extra secrets, Odex VCDs/DVDs are merely barebones, containing no additional stuff. Supposedly, this allows Odex to lower the price of their anime and make it affordable for the consumers. However, this is not the case. A box of 12-13 Episode CD's of VCD quality cost SGD$29.90(USD$19.70), while those of the DVD quality cost SGD$39.90(USD$26.30). They claimed that these are "cheap", oh please stop what you are thinking and reflect on your release.

With this, Odex please reflect on your policy before you are doomed forever. There are still time to stop what you are doing.

Mika is the Second Coming of Freddie Mercury

2007-08-06T19:30:00.000+08:00

I think few months ago i heard of a singer called Mika, who is a Lebanese-born, British-raised singer. At first, i really thought that the song "Grace Kelly" is a new "unreleased" song by Freddie Mercury or Queen but later, i found out it's not the case.

The song is catchy and instantly likable. By the second verse I was struck by how much Mika sounded like Freddie Mercury. He’s got some similar vocal stylings, and (I think, though I’m a total layman in these matters) a similar range. Plus, they’re both skinny, fey, British dudes with a, uh, apparent flair for theatricality. Of course, the song’s lyrics include a reference to trying a “a little Freddie”. Mika seems to be a legitimately talented musician, as he attended the Lycée Français Charles de Gaulle, Westminster School and the Royal College of Music (he dropped out to record an album). I also watched a piano-only version on Jools Holland’s show, and, barring real-time, auto-magical pitch adjusters and the like, his skills seem to be all natural.

So is he a "new Freddie"? even Brian May (former Queen guitarist) sounded his approval after his fans introduced him. According to reports, Brian May even went up to criticise various websites who gave Mika a bad review on his album, Life in Cartoon Motion. Personally I had bought that album, really a great album though. It really felt like Freddie Mercury singing in a different genre. Below are a few of his videos. Go listen and decide for yourselves.

Tired Life Of A Commando CQMS

2007-08-02T20:06:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired and freak out at the moment. I also need to go back to camp later before 2359hours as i have para-jump ops at sembawang airbase early next moment. I'm really looking forward to that day finally come. 17 December 2008 which is like 1 year and 4mths away. I can't really wait to hit that 1 year mark. This means that i will only left with another year with the SAF (Served And Fucked off) which is true for my case.

Endless Story

2007-07-25T18:07:00.000+08:00

If you haven’t changed your mind
Then I want you by my side Tonight

I’m so tired of always having to bluff
Everytime I think about you baby, I feel so young
If I could just tell you I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

Memories of our time together
this way, they don’t go away

Once I knew that the warmth between us had disappeared,
gentle tears started to spread over my chest
This is not where it ends, I’m missing you
please don’t let go of my hand

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I wanna show you, forever and ever

An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

New Blog Skin

2007-07-22T01:27:00.000+08:00

I finally found some time to update my blog for abit. I think i had come close to not updating it at all but i guess this blog shall be kept going again. hahaha

I think i felt that i had changed alot for this year. I had been very gloomy and moody for prolly 1 month or so already. My mood are easily swayed for the better or worse with simple simple things. I hated to admit but i felt that I'm getting really mentally unstable. I don't need anything for now. I don't need new gadgets, I don't need retail therapy and I also don't need a girlfriend. What I really need now is a peace of mind. I'm too tired to fight with my inner demons already. I want to give up everything that i stand for. I really felt that my other persona is taking over me and eating away my personalities. That is why i always feel sorrow for mankind's chances to survive if everyone is the same as me. Nothing good will happened if i continue to do so, i guess i must continue to fight eventhough it's an "endless war".

That's enough of my current thinking for now. Time to talk abit about my work. Recently, I had one of the most enjoyable time in my army life. That is the 100km route march around Singapore. It's tiring especially we must walk all around Singapore, whereby the furthest point being Jurong Birdpark area. But still it was fun and but tiring. When everybody reached the finish point at Labrador Park, almost all were feeling half-dead but still shown SHEER WILL in the advance in conquering this route march.

Till next time, not sure when i have the time to update this blog again. But rest-assured that i will not let this blog died out.

This blog is not abandoned

2007-06-23T18:00:00.000+08:00

I know some of you might be seeing my blog and thinking, "Is he done with blogging?"

What i want to say is hell no. The reason why i did not blog for many months now because I really could not find the time to do so. Everyday after i reached home, I'm already dead beat. I could sleep almost 14hours. I think i had did that many times in the past months.

I believed there are alot of things at the back of my mind now that I would really wanted to talk about. But i think i will find some other time to talk about. For now, I'm signing off.

Back from the dead at least!!!

2007-02-25T02:34:00.000+08:00

Hey guys I'm back after more than 2 months of inactivity. Yeah I'm very busy with my NS life but never expect that it could be so colourful instead of the many stories i heard before enlistment. My life really changed after enlisting and it probably helped me mature in my personalities as a whole.

I really wanted to post but too much things had happened and really do not have the time to do so. The first thinking when i reached home after every working day is that i really wanted to sleep. I'm so tired after after every day that i really do not have the time to do anything else.

Anyway, I'm going to sleep soon. I hoped everyone is safe and sound and Happy Chinese New Year to all of you guys. Hopefully i got the time to update soon.

Not Enough

2006-12-06T06:30:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i felt so alone as cold was my soul and untold was the pain in the aftermath of what happened slightly more than 1 week ago which makes me no different from a rose in the rain.

Ok, I understand that Scissors can beats Paper and I get how Rock beats Scissors but there is really no way that Paper can beat Rock!!! Paper is supposed to "magically wrap around" Rock leaving it immobile? Then why can't Paper do this to Scissor? In fact, screw Scissor.... Why can't Paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of school-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I can tell you why, It's because Paper can't beat anybody! A Rock can tear that piece of shit in 2 seconds, when i play "Scissors-Paper-Stone", i always chose Rock. Then when people claimed they had beaten me with Paper, I will punch them with my already clenched fist and say something like "Holy Shit, I'm sorry as I thought Paper could protect you!" The reason why i saying this is because Paper represented Knowledge. The Knowledge of "Rock" are usually presented in Paper in the medium of our schoolbooks etc.... If we really want to have a great life, why do we need knowledge for? They say Knowledge is the key to Power, if it's me, I would rather not have this "power" and stay a simple person that is being sent by God to suffer the sins of my previous life.

This is like something nobody would understand. But i understood it well as I knew the feeling and what it's like to want to die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to fit in but you can't and how you to try to hurt yourself on the outside just to kill the thing on the inside.

God if you are there, just tell me how to be different in the way that makes sense. To make all these go away and disappear. I know that's wrong because it's my responsibilities, and I know that things get worst before it gets better. I remember in school last time, I was forced to sit in detention until 6pm everyday. While sitting there, I looked at people. I looked at teachers and wonder why are they there. Are they there because they like their jobs or us, the student? And i also wondered how smart were they when they were 16. Not in the mean way of course but in a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having 3 examinations, countless tests and a report book on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking and why especially i know that if i went to a different school, i will not know her at all and of course the person who had their heart broken would have had their heart broken by someone else if he is pre-destined by fate. Even if so, why does it have to be so personal? It's much easier not to know things sometimes which brings me back to my earlier paragraph. Things will change and friends will leave, life will not stop for anyone. How i wished we could be friends for the next 10 years since we were already one for 7 years, but why things have to end up like this?

Thinking of this, I really want to laugh or maybe get mad. Or shrug at how strange everybody is, especially me. I think the idea is that every one has to live for his or her life and then make a choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives infront of yours and think that count as love, friendship, commitment or whatever fucks it is. You just can't, You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who i really am. And I'm going to figure out what it really is but do you have the same thinking as well? I'm really trying my best to make it up to you over what happened but why am i still doing here, sitting around in front of my laptop early in the morning, wondering and feeling bad about each other and blaming some other people for what they did or didn't do, or what they didn't know. I didn't know but guess there would always be someone to blame. However, it's just different. Maybe it's too good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's ok to feel things, and be who you are about them. I was really there and there was enough to make be feel............ INFINITE. That is right, I FEEL INFINITE.

Hard To Say I'm Sorry

2006-11-25T03:40:00.000+08:00

Chicago - Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say
From each other

Even lovers need a little time away
Far away from each other

Hold me now
It's hard to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay

After all we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go

Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
From someone I love

I won't see you tonight

2006-11-22T18:43:00.000+08:00

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and loved

Building up, inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me, you're not the one to place the blame
As bottles call my name, I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and most of all I loved
but I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me
Or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone. Please don't follow me tonight.
And while I'm gone, everything will be alright.

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight
No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

Just another thought

2006-11-21T04:01:00.000+08:00

Usually when i had a thought, there will be definately alot of other thoughts blend together. Something says yes, something says no but this time there is only yes. But i'm wondering how can something i can ever be sure of in my life be wrong?

The Raven

2006-11-19T15:37:00.000+08:00

"The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door --
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; -- vainly I had tried to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow -- sorrow for the lost Lenore --
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore --
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door --
Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; --
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you " -- here I opened wide the door; ----
Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" --
Merely this, and nothing more.

Then into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore --
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;--
'Tis the wind and nothing more!"

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door --
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door --
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore --
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning -- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no sublunary being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door --
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered -- not a feather then he fluttered --
Till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have flown before --
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Wondering at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster so when Hope he would adjure --
Stern Despair returned, instead of the sweet Hope he dared adjure --
That sad answer, "Never -- nevermore."

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore --
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee -- by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite -- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore;
Let me quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! -- prophet still, if bird or devil! --
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted --
On this home by Horror haunted -- tell me truly, I implore --
Is there -- is there balm in Gilead? -- tell me -- tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil -- prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us -- by that God we both adore --
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore --
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting --
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted -- nevermore!

-----------------------------

The reason why i posted this poem by Edgar Allan Poe because i felt that it's quite similar to me. It tells a story of a mysterious talking raven visiting a grieving man who lost his wife/lover/closed one, Lenore, through various reasons. Eventhough "the raven" might just be the man hallucination just like me. Bipolar Disorder is clearly driving me crazy, somemore i can't help but feel that I'm being avoided eventhough i was assured that is not the case. Life is too difficult and becoming too fearful to carry on but still death is not an option. What can i do??

These are the days of our lives

2006-11-19T05:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get these feelings that i was back to those old days long ago. It felt like when we were kids and were young, things seem so perfect. The days were endless and we were crazy plus the sun is always shining. Virtually, we just lived for fun as the rest of my life is just a show. A person can't turn back the clock and the tide but if given the chance, i would go back and live those roller-coaster riding days again.

No use in sitting and thinking what you did, when you can enjoy it even after your kid is born. Sometimes when i do sit and think about it, i guessed it's best to sit back and enjoy the flow. They've gone with the swiftness of time and they were gone now but some things still remain when i look back.

Those were the days of our lives that bad things were so few. Those days are gone now but one thing's still true when i look and find that I still Love You.

Untitled

2006-11-13T03:49:00.000+08:00

Since the first time i met you, I couldn't quite seem to forget you. And lately I seem to find that you are always on my mind. I feel so happy around you and of course, thank God that he led me to you. At first, I thought you are a good friend but I realised that the feelings didn't just end there. I'm so afraid to tell you because I didn't know what you'd do. I really happy to know that you care about me when i got a mania episode recently, but i fear tomorrow they will stop. I fear it because I love it. And everything you love, you fear you will lose.

Sometimes in life one experiences an emotion which is so strong that is difficult to think, or to reason. Sometimes you get submerged by emotion. I think it's very important to express it - which doesn't necessarily mean hitting someone. I am very mistrustful of people who are over-intellectualising things. Man, it kills passion. A person must allows himself to lose control from time to time. But i think i had let it run too wild and thus unable to get it up on my feet.

Baile Funk

2006-11-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

I love all my rock and emo songs and now i had discovered Baile Funk

This is probably one of the best songs i had heard in recent times. As some of you know that i disliked Electro etc but i think i will make an exception with Baile Funk. Baile Funk means funk from Rio and there is so much attitude, mixed with beats and samples from the 70s and 80s. So if you really want to experiment Baile Funk, clicked on the Youtube links below or turn up your volume as my blog brings you "Girl Fight by Tigarah".

M.I.A vs Tigarah?

2006-11-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

M.I.A - Bucky Done Gun

Tigarah - Roppongi-Dori

Let's imagine there is a battle between these 2 popular undergound baile funk rapper, who do you think will win? I personally go for Tigarah because she is really cool and her music is abit hard to find as it's only on sale on her website while M.I.A is not bad either but i only liked one of her song which is Bucky Done Gun.

M.I.A

2006-11-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

Walk the city lonely, memories of the haunt are passing by.
A murderer walk your street tonight.
Forgive me for my crime.
Don't forget that I was so young,
Fought so scared, in the name of God and Country.

Bipolar

2006-11-03T04:04:00.000+08:00

I'm currently having a brand new episode of the mental state of mind. I guessed the reason for this new episode is most likely caused by my inconsistent sleeping schedule. I remember my psychiatrist did told me before that too much sleep can lead to depression while too little sleep can lead to can lead to mixed mental states or mania. So i guessed this should be the reason as I'm sleeping too much hahahahahaha. Actually to be frank, the worst thing that could have happened to a person affected by bipolar disorder is suicide. I do not have any suicide thoughts ever as life is really too beautiful to end. How i wished i can stay on living like this forever but death is inevitable. A person will die even heroes with supernatural powers do if they existed outside the books in this world.

I'm really alright today after i watched the "Free Hug Campaign" video on youtube just now. I felt so inspired and happy. This is an act of some one called Juan Mann giving hugs on the street to complete strangers. This act is an example of random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by someone for the sole reason of making others feel better. Well watching him giving him to random people on the street, i suddenly feels really happy as if he came directly from the lcd screen of my laptop and give me a good hug. It puts me in such a nice spirits now that i think i can "conquer" my new episode.

The song that i'm playing on this blog is the same song that is being accompanied by this video. It's played by a Australian band, Sick Puppies who are famous for their 2001 song, Nothing Really Matters.

UEFA Champions League Final 1999

2006-10-31T22:56:00.000+08:00

For any Manchester United's fan, who can't remember this moment. I was at my usual slacking and nothing to do mode when i found this clip on Youtube. It really brought back memories, as i remember watching this game at home and was praying for a miracle until the last minute when Teddy Sheringham scored for Man Utd to equalise the game. That moment, i really do jump up and screamed so loud that i'm being scolded by my mum as it's 5am in the morning.

Welcome To The Black Parade (again)

2006-10-29T02:58:00.000+08:00

I know i already had above title but now i want to elaborated what is the story behind probably my favourite song from My Chemical Romance. In fact their whole album is telling a story of a man called "The Patient".

The starting part of the story starts with the song called "Mama". This song is written before his dying hours where he was writing the final letter to his mother. The "letter" described that both their relationship is very sour compared to the one he had with his father. It seems that the causes for their negative relationship started with a war that all men including the patient, were drafted into. He also acknowledged that he could had been a better son which made his mother realised that the war had changed him. His mother only responds to him is that if he would express all his love to her, she could forgive. However the patient feels that if she knew what he did during the war, she would never consider loving him again.

The next part of the story which is continue from the song "Famous Last Words" narrated the patient thoughts at the last moment before he died. After previously experiencing countless emotions such as fear, anger, regrets and depressions, he finally had a hope by saying "I'm not afraid to keep on living." He finds that the stress in his relationship had caused him is no longer worth it and he can survived without his mother. However if she would stay, he will forgive her and himself for everything in that relationship. His final words are "Nothing you could say could stop me from going home" seems to indicate that at his last moment before his death, he had found enlightenment or peace and no longer afraid of being dead. Which led us to the climax of the story as describe in "Welcome To The Black Parade".

After learning of his illness, reflecting on his life, and dealing with all the issues of mortality, the Patient's own mortality is quickly coming to an end. Here the Patient is drifting between life and death, and so death is coming for him in the form of his strongest memory. The Patient's fondest memory is of his father taking him to town as a boy to see a parade.

The Patient's father asks him as a boy "Son, when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?", perhaps preparing the Patient for his future illness, and asking him if he will have what it takes to mentally overcome it and be an example for others who follow in his footsteps to be strong. The Patient's father also tells him "someday I'll leave you a phantom, to lead you in the summer, to join the Black Parade." This hints that the Patient's father most likely died before the Patient, and will help him join the Black Parade (in other words be there when he dies to help him in the afterlife). The song also shows that the Patient most likely had a very good relationship with his father, since his fondest memory in life occured when he was with his father.

The Patient passes into a realm of life and death, and sees the Black Parade. The Black Parade seems to take place in the city that he saw the marching band in his youth, only now the city is barren, and more macabre ("the bodies in the street"). He sees the performers of the Black Parade, only they too are more macabre than those of the parade he saw in his youth, and seem to represent emotions and other parts of his life. The Black Parade tell him of "the disappointed faces of your peers", which have no effect on the Patient, as he states he "could not care at all", showing he will no longer let anyone dictate his actions, and hasn't quite repented yet (as he does in Famous Last Words). He still doubts himself ("I'm just a man, I'm not a hero" in reference to his father's question at the beginning of the song). He is still firm in his doubt of the world ("you can try, you'll never break me"). Finally The Black Parade insures him that his "memory will carry on", and though he may be dead and defeated his "weary widow marches on." Thus trying to encourage him that he isn't as evil as he thinks, and that if he joins them all that he leaves behind in life will be fine.

Death Note

2006-10-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

Since i had been typing some "chim" blog recently, so i had decided to make this blog as "unchim" as possible. I'm downgrading my PSP as i'm typing this blog. Something is wrong with my psp as those games cannot start up so i had decided to upgrade and then downgrade so that it can have a clean firmware now.

I watched Death Note with Pamela today. Actually i don't intended to watch it that fast, i'm thinking of only watching it next week. Well to sum up, Death Note is quite an interesting show. I can't remember who introduced me this manga in the first place. Think should be Rickson or is it Tian shi? lol, i really can't remember it anyway. By the way, the plots centers around a young high school (or college in the movie) student, Light Yagami, who decides to rid the world of evil with the help of supernatural sources.

Light Yagami is a brilliant but bored student who resents crimes and corruptions in the world. His life undergoes a drastic change when he discovers a mysterious notebook, known as the "Death Note", lying on the ground. The Death Note's instructions claim that, if a human's name is written within it, that person shall die. Light is initially skeptical of the Death Note's genuinity, believing it is just a prank. However, after experimenting with it and killing two criminals, Light is forced to admit the Death Note is real. After meeting with the true owner of the Death Note, a shinigami named Ryuk, Light seeks to become the "God of new world" by passing his judgment on criminals.

Soon, the number of inexplicable deaths of reported criminals catches the attention of the International Police Organization and a mysterious detective known only as "L". L quickly learns that the serial killer, dubbed by the public as "Kira", is located in Japan. L also concludes that Kira can kill a person just by knowing their face and name. Light realises that L will be his greatest nemesis, and a race to prove mental superiority between the two begins.

Anyway, if i knew earlier i should not go at all. After we met up, we did not even say a single word at all. Just hi and bye type. I don't think that we behaves like friends at all. hahahaha

MCR - Welcome To The Black Parade

2006-10-26T08:31:00.000+08:00

Bat Country

2006-10-26T00:11:00.000+08:00

He who makes the beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

I tried to drive all through the night, the heat stroke ridden weather, the barren empty sights. No oasis here to see, the sand is singing deathless words to me. Can't you help me as I'm starting to burn, too many doses and i'm starting to get the attraction. My confidence is leaving me on my own, no one can save me and i know i don't want the attentions.

As I adjust to my new sights the rarely tired lights will take me to new heights. My hand is on the trigger and i'm ready to ignite. Tomorrow might not make it but everything will definately be alright. Mental friction follows me; shows me what it's like to be free. I really want a friend to take a trip with me but it's not what it's seem to be.

Sometimes i really don't know why we rather lived than die, we looked up towards the sky hoping for an answer to our lives when in fact we already had the solutions but just pass it by. I don't want anyone absolution because i can't make it right. I'll make a beast out of myself so that i can get rids of the pain of being a man.

Actually, I have known from the start that these good ideas will tear my brain apart. I'm really that kind of person that is too weird to live but too rare to die.

Blinded In Chain

2006-10-25T01:38:00.000+08:00

I think we are at it again, i just turned around a fucking war. I don't know where to begin, but i'll start with the radical leaders. Everyone will eventually starts following their steps because it's i sight where you take left and i'll take right. I can feel the hate that you've built up inside me.

But it wasn't a sin, a sorry life in judging every action. And as they're feeding your mind with this shit you forgot and how to speak how to ask all the questions. The business at hand tonight, make the people choose. But i see anoter side in myself but there's not much more i can do. From on the outside looking in myself is listening to push them off my mind and all my knowledge the circle will rebirth itself. If they had it their way, I'd burn in hell and my future's a fucking disaster. Can't anyone see? Give myself all the power and my future will be in a desperate trouble state.

Most would claim I live a lie pointing out it's easy to predict these things. Just like every colour has it's side, they live together to vote but most won't read in between the lines. Please God help me, please save me, of course you are the same like me that can't even control.

My family and friends, it won't matter in the end that i'm sure they will understand as they take a look at the world and see how the human bleeds. As I sit up here and wonder about how a person can sold his mind, body and soul. Looking at the fields so green and I know this sound obscene. I know that i'm living for tomorrow but the decisions i made today will leave me empty in the coming ages.

Communism good or bad?

2006-10-11T04:31:00.000+08:00

Communism is perfect on paper. But not in practice, no matter how "perfect" the dictator is.

If we are talking about a perfect communism community, with the dictator having complete power, the doctor and the digger will not have the same education. Because they did not have a choice in what they will become. The government assigns everything: from who gets what job, to how much food will be used.

Another point why communism will not work is because, us human tends to be lazy. If person A and B gets the same wage no matter how much he/she works, why should both of them work any harder? No incentive in daily work will not benefit the society. Worse, eventually person A or B will discover that they will get away doing barely any work, say 1 hour in their 8 hours day, and still get the same amount of food like everyone else. That is when the real problem comes up.

I think the reason why communism didn't take off is because no body wants to be equal they want to have a higher standard of living than every one else which is why the competitive nature of capitalism took supremacy of the world's majority. I remember during history class, i was kept wondering why communism never succeeded despite having great ideologies compared to those of democracy aside from bad leaders and dictators and all ,I mean it seems like a good idea but I think its that the world didn't want equally. If you think about it there was always some kind of monarchy at some point in the world's history, someone was always better than someone else. The ideals posed by communism were radically different from any form of living that the world had ever known and change isn't easily accepted and communism was rejected as the world's standard of living and continued to embrace hierarchy which has now changed from monarchy to capitalism, everyone can become their own king or queen after striving hard enough. But knigs and queens aren't completely gone though; presidents, prime ministers, governers, all the same thing they just don't inherit the title by blood anymore.

The world is always progressing and major turning points tend bring about revolutions just like the recent one in Thailand, wars and the like. We are all apart of it doing something, whether it is getting involved in its movements or just sitting back and do nothing but watch the shit hit the fan. Me? I'm just watching this stuff much safer than touching it, I think the world is going in one direction and ain't nothing gonna stop it, you just have to wonder why things didn't go the other way?

The reason why am i saying this is because just a simple nuclear weapon test by Stalinist North Korea could trigger such a big response worldwide.

Thank God I Found You

2006-10-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

This is probably the last time in a few months before i can blog another entry here using my laptop.

Firstly, i would really liked to thank god that i found and get to know of someone. Actually to be frank, i don't really believed in Destiny. But i do feel like Destiny is a pre-determined fix-timelined of event that is unchangeable and inevitable. Maybe it's destined that i will get to know her but why am i still want to thank god for this that is already determined? Well, i really do not know the reason why am i doing so. I think i had too much negative things in my life which led me in such state and i always wanted to go back to wherever the first mistakes taken place and correct it but then, if i do so, i might never know how my world is now. Just like if someone managed to go back in time to prevent September 11 attacks or even World War 2 by eliminating both Stalin and Hitler, then i'm afraid that the world might still be sulking over colonisation and a different "World War 2" instead. What really we can do now is looking forward and improve as a person. I am also afraid that i might not know her if i really do had the ability to do so.

I'm back!!!

2006-09-27T01:32:00.000+08:00

Hi all, after more than a month of absence, i'm back here blogging again. Well i had an eventful one month due to the fact that alot happened during the month. Not sure why but i realised that human life is no different to those of a Mayfly. The reason i said so because i came to read a book about insect recently and i'm really Mayfly lifespan really interest me alot. The lifespan of an adult range from a few hours to a day or two. This is no different from human life as well. Life is really too fragile to predict. You will never know when you may simply "stop". We really have to live life to the fullest.

Pink Spider

2006-08-20T22:25:00.000+08:00

You wrap yourself in needles and threads of lies
A small world You thought it was everything
You hurt anything that comes near
You thought the sky was a square

"this is it... this's all there is, isn't it?",
You said That's a lie too

Wildly decorated your patterns look lonely
The paradise bird unusually came over to talk

"Steal that butterfly's wings and come over here"
"Everything's to your desire on the other side"

PINK SPIDER "I wanna go there"
PINK SPIDER "I wish I had wings..."

Ignoring the captured butterfly's desperate plea
You glare at the sky
"I didn't hurt because I hated,
I didn't have wings
And the sky was too high"

"You should use my wings, SPIDER
You don't know the pain of endless flight
And maybe you'll realize one day,
That you were only flying in the palms of someone else
And even dared to call that freedom."

Couldn't fly with borrowed wings
You fall straight down head first

PINK SPIDER "It's no good"
PINK SPIDER "But I can see the sky..."
PINK SPIDER "It's a failure"
PINK SPIDER "I wish I had wings..."

Beyond that barely visible sky
Birds heading south
"Let's fly once again Cutting down these threads
This time with one's own JET
When that cloud passes..."

PINK SPIDER The sky is calling
PINK SPIDER PINK SPIDER

A pink spider flows across the sky....

Happy Belated 41st Birthday Singapore!!!

2006-08-15T01:35:00.000+08:00

Last wednesday, 9th August 2006.... we celebrated our nation, 41st birthday. I think i'm the the few lucky guy that went to the parade for both the preview and the actual day celebration. This year celebration was also the last time the national stadium will be used before renovation starts to transform it into a sporting hub. It really brought back great memories of that stadium. I remember first time going into that stadium was the time when the likes of Fandi and Abbas won the Malaysian Cup in either 1993 or 94. I was just in primaryschool back then. I also remember watching my love, Manchester United playing against the S-League All-Star. Who can't forget Fabian Barthez playing a striking role hahaha. I was also involved in the Youth Day duty back when i was in St John Ambulance Bridage. Not to mention, seeing Singapore's captain, Aide, lifted the Tiger Cup after beating Indonesia last year. Indeed this stadium did holds alot of great memories. But there is a saying that if the old don't go, the new won't come. Every new beginning is some beginning's end. hahaha.

I'm gonna be around

2006-07-25T02:22:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since i took the time, to share words from deep inside of me. I had been in my own worlds spinning my wheels but i guessed you will know how i feel. I'm really happy that you go through the troubles you had been facing, now i guessed you known who is your true friends and who isn't right?

I know how distressed and sad you must be and I’m so sorry for what happened. Yet, in this moment of hardship, I wish you didn’t forget you have a friend who is willing to help and give you his support…

Don’t cry, don’t despair, things are hard for anyone, but we are all trying to overcome each difficulty we bump into. We will eliminate them, one by one! Remember you will always have a shoulder to cry on and, no matter what happens, you will always find someone you can lean on: me!
Don’t waste all your energies crying over spilt milk. Please don’t be that way, my friend! I bet you’ve been through worse and you came out on top…

By the way, have you counted the number of years we have known each other and eventhough we did quarrel before but we always ended up chatting with each other like nothing happened? This is true friendship, one of the most valuable things in the world, and true friends are those who are always willing to help us. Right now you are feeling sad and I’m holding out my hand to reach you. In the future, I may be the one needing your help.

But let’s keep pessimism aside; this note only wants to bring you hope and peace. I have a feeling that your sadness will be over soon and we will laugh about this bad phase and share many happy moments together!

How hardcore is hardcore?

2006-06-20T03:03:00.000+08:00

This question has been bothering me for sometimes as i really want to know how hardcore is hardcore. As many of you might had known that currently i'm working at a lanshop located at Peninsular Plaza. I will be taking over the sister-shop, Gamester from tomorrow onwards. What is the different between the main shop and gamester is that gamester does not opened 24hours. Since i'm sort of like taking over the shop tomorrow, I will have a schedule like 2:30pm-8:30pm on Monday, Tuesday & Thursday while it will be 10:30pm on Wednesday and Friday. However, I will not be closing the shop on Friday as it will be opened till Saturday morning and the night shift people will takeover at 10:30 that day. Eventhough i'm excited but equally nervous as well since i had a bad memories during the time at Giant. I'm really afraid that i might do the same mistakes again especially when it comes to money.

Ok now back to my original question, how hardcore should a player be consider hardcore? I suddenly thought of this during work when i saw this guy playing games. He is probably in his 30s from his look with unkempt hair and quite untidy feeling. He came the same time when i took over from KC, but he paid the deposit of $40 straight instead of the usual $10. By the time i left before 6:30pm, he had not even used up $20 yet since 1hour = $1.80 which you can play up to 5hours or so with $10. I can imagine that he will be staying at the shop till morning if he used up all his deposits. I considered myself as an avid gamer but never a hardcore gamer after seeing his case. Anyway, this is not the first time i'm seeing him play there. I heard from my fellow colleague that he is always there for gaming marathon.

Anyway, i'm going to sleep now. Got to prepare for my "big day" tomorrow right!!! HAHA

It's been so long....

2006-06-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

Well isn't it long since i had last updated this blog. HAHA, sorry guys i had been busy, very busy. I'm having a new job now and had been really happy with it. The best job i had in my life. Eventhough it's quite busy at times at least it's much better than that faggot Giant cashiering thing.

The world cup had started and the teams that i rooted for won their first matches in group stages of the tournament. Firstly, i got to admit that England really do flop in their first match. Without that own goal, i doubted they could get away with 3 points without that goal. England really lacked ideas and creativities during that match. None of the players were eye-catching during the match as well. I think they got to think twice about their "favourites" tag if they continue to perform like this. The 2nd team i supported is Korea. Yeah, Korean rocks eventhough i missed that match due to work. They cameback from a 1-0 trail to a 2-1 victory. Both goals involved Park Ji-Sung indirectly. As most Man Utd or PSV fans should know, Park is the kind of players that had this great technical abilities but yet they had been overlooked and underrate. The first goal came when Park fell just in front of the 6 yards box from a tackle. Since he was the last man, the referee had no choice but to sent the player that brought down Park off from the 2nd bookable offence. Lee Chun-Soo makes no mistakes when he converts a beckham-style freekick. The 2nd goal was a nice fake by Park himself to let Ahn Jung Hwan, the hero of the 2002 world cup, scored the winning goal for Korea. So Korea is currently top of the table as France drew with Switzerland.

Go Korea!!!!!!!!!!!

Ghost Of You

2006-06-06T21:40:00.000+08:00

Michael Learns To Rock - Ghost Of You

Summer's ended and without a trace
time goes by - while you remain
Funny how I thougt I walked on through
with my heart in one

(chorus:)
Why do I still cry for you
dying to get close to you
Why do I still fear to face the ghost of you

How I tried to get you of my mind
but you return - all the time
I believed I could just let you go
like the fool I am

(chorus:)

Why do I still cry for you
dying to get close to you
Oh baby why do I still fear to face
the ghost of you

(Release:)

I've been trying to release you
to get my feet back on the ground
Still I need my hope to hold on to
even if I know i should back away
It's just a part of me that I can't erase

(chorus:)

Why do I still cry for you
dying to get close to you
Why do I still fear to facethe ghost of you

(Outro:)

Baby, baby why
Anyway I try I'm still reminded(the ghost of you)
Anywhere I go I keep coliding with(the ghost of you)
I've given up I just can't fight it(the ghost of you)
Everytime I look away I see
the ghost of you

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi all, long time no blog as i'm really busy with work. Went to my graduation yesterday and i must say that it's really nostalgic when meeting up old friends and stuff. Catch up with some talks and chat about things after we left. I think that most likely the last time. I doubted there will be another chance that the whole class come together again to talk once more. You know typing this reminded me of the song, This Is The Last Time by Keane. HAHA, weird. Well like the song that's being played during the video presentation by Boys II Men, it's indeed hard to forget about yesterday. How i wished i would treasure my 2 years in MacPherson. If there is a way, i will definately travel back to that faithful July 2004 and try reliving everything again.

Anyway, today is 666 which is the number of the beast. I was talking to my sis that my mother shld had given birth to me 19 years later so i can call myself Damien, which is the name of the supposed son of satan. hahahaha

Love - Miracle or Devil's Work?

2006-05-20T05:37:00.000+08:00

Love is something that is unexplainable?

A person claimed that he like her for her kindness blah blah blah..... I'm sure most of you are giving modest answers.. Why you like someone? Is it because you find him/her cute? or they have a stable income and he/she can be rely upon? or they can sweet talks to you? I wish there people who will be brave enough to say " i like him/her of their looks or they are well off..So most people said that he /she is a good person so love them. Then please explain why so many men and women having " affairs"? They may be good husband/wife, but they may not be good lovers..women have affairs becos their husband are "woodhead" in terms of love and sex.. men have affairs becos their wife are frigid or not interested . Ok although this happens after marriage, then in the first place your love is not even there. am i right or wrong to say that?

as for why men & women are having affairs; i guess many just want the excitement... to those people whom are having affair, its not that love is not there anymore.... but i find that this action is just an excuse to avoid from the problems they are having presently. sometimes i feel that they din't attempt hard enuff to solve the current problem. thats why choose to escape or avoid it thus think of the alternative and cos its so available.

Anyway, sucks why am i still harbouring this feelings of hatred eventhough i should have forgotten long time ago. Fuck Me!!!!!!!!!!

Found God?

2006-05-17T05:03:00.000+08:00

Hi all, I suddenly thought of this which i don't mind sharing with you. I was thinking why does god really hated me? Thinking about it throughout the day and throughout the night. He really hates me and doesn't answer my prayers anymore. Out of the sudden, some inside me answer this way. But yeah, just because god doesn't answer my prayers doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. But why didn't he gave me what i wanted? Well god can't just answer every prayers and suddenly give you everything you want, that takes all the living out of life. What you mean? If god answers all our prayers, there will be nothing left to do for ourselves. Life is about problems and overcoming those problems. And growing and learning for those obstacles and if god just fixed everything for us and there will be no point in our existence. I get it now, I got to learn all these on my own. And was overcome with my ego and i let pride get on my good judgement.

Maybe i finally came to accept god? Only time will tell.....

Soccer - Entertainment or Business?

2006-05-14T01:46:00.000+08:00

Well the season just ended with Liverpool winning the FA Cup on penalties after a 3-3 draw with West Ham.

We may live interesting life but football sucks.

I know this is a nasty way of opening this blog but this is really what happened here, but after witnessing the conclusion to THE WORST SEASON EVER, it had to be said.

5 out of 6 major leagues in Europe have already been won by the same clubs that took the titles in the previous year. Chelsea, Lyon, Barcelona, Bayern Munich and PSV had retained their respective title with Juventus most likely will be retaining the Serie A this weekend.

And the deeper you scratch, the more unsavory the statistics become.

If you think that European football is not that bad, consider this. They are going on a downward spiral and money had robbed us, football fans of the beautiful game. Now teams like Chelsea and Real Madrid are building up an ultimate dreamteam. Football had become nothing more than a advertisement to get investment into their club and to made a profit for that own out of the lifesaving of us, football fans. Football had been stolen from from the fans by a deceitful, shadowy cartel of money-mongers and the most humilating things is that it's stolen right under our noses.

While we gazed with open mouths and wide eyes at the "circus freaks" parading in front of us, we didn't realise that they had an army of shifty little cronies walking amongst the crowd, picking our pockets.

Childish naivety is the only excuse we can offer; our brains were too fried from the free candyfloss and root beer to notice what was really going on around us.

Those circus acts, those freaks of finance, didn't really roll in to town to help us; they weren't really here to enrich our lives. We don't expected them to teach us the skill of their football, but rather to enjoy them playing but it had become too commercialised to do so. I pitied those englishmen going to watch their favourite teams religiously every week. Not sure what is their salary but i think that it's not that cheap to travel in Britian. Britian had one of the highest tax in the world, just to go watch the game. I believed they will be burning 1 day of salary.

This sleazy cloud of bloodsuckers has taken everything and given us nothing in return. They have truly bled European football dry.

The result is Condition Red. No, perhaps more frightening than that: Condition Beige.

Perhaps the World Cup will prove to be the first dew on a bright new dawn.

Sadly, I doubt it.

New Species, Evolution confirmed?

2006-05-13T04:02:00.000+08:00

Hi all, long time did not had a serious blog content here. Well i had been quite busy recently and i think i had just recovered from an illness. The reason for my blog is that i might be changing this blog skin soon. Anyway, some of you might had known that i believed more in evolution than creation. The below is a piece of news i got from Guardian Unlimited. But i had summarised it so it's easier for you people to read.

Monkey Finds Might Established A New Species of Primates

A rare and reclusive African monkey discovered last year is believed to belong to an entirely new family of primates - the first such find for 83 years.

Scientists originally thought the monkey, named Rungwecebus kipunji after Mount Rungwe in Tanzania, was a type of mangabey from the genus Lophocebus. However, a more detailed genetic analysis of the animal showed its close connection to baboons.

This is an exciting piece of news because it's by no means the age of discovery is over. Hopefully this is one of the key to be used to unlock the the door to the mysteries of our anchestral life and how life really do begins.

South Park Jokes 2

2006-05-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

Since i had nothing to blog again, i'm going to include another South park skit. This one is from the episode "Prehistoric Ice Man" in Season 2.

*************************************
After watching Croc Hunters at Stan's house,
Kyle: Dude, let's go look for crocodiles.
Stan: Yeah.
Eric: There's bound to be some crocs out here. I'll use my croc call and try to bring them out. Wenaga Wenaga.
Kyle: That's not how crocs sound, you fat ass penis.
Eric: Ohwee, now I'm gonna kick my friend Kyle in the beanbags and see what happens, boycracky. (As he walk towards Kyle.)
Kyle: Get away from me, Cartman. (Trying to get away from Eric.)

At this point, Kyle tripped over a stone and fell into a ravine.

Kyle: Aahhhhhhhhhh!!!
Stan: Dude. (Looking down into the ravine.)
Kyle: Hellllpppp.
Stan: Good job Cartman, you killed Kyle.
Kenny: You Bastard.
Eric: Well, he shouldn't call me fat.
Stan: Why the hell not? It's like calling the sky blue.
Eric: Well, screw him. He is dead. Let's go look for crocodiles.
Kyle: You guys.
Stan: He's still alive. Kyle, are you ok?
Kyle: I think so. Is Cartman up there?
Eric: I'm right here, Kyle.
Kyle: Cartman, you ------- hunk of fat ----- --- and ----- pig -------- and ----- -------.
Eric: Oh yeah, Oh yeah. Say that to my face p-----.
Stan: Can you climb back up, dude?
Kyle: I don't think so.
Stan: Damn, I guess I'll have to go get him.
Eric: Nah, come on you guys. Let's look for crocodiles.

South Park Jokes 1

2006-05-02T01:18:00.000+08:00

Since i had nothing much to blog about recently, i had decided to quote afew of my favourite cartoon, South Park's charcters conversation out. HAHA

++++++++++++++++++++++

In the classroom,

Mr Garrison: The first annual South Park film festival begins today.
Wendy: Wow, Cool.
Kyle: They're not gonna show that stupid ass Godzilla movie again are they?
Mr Garrison: No, no Kyle these are independent films.
Stan: Oh like Independence Day, that sucked ass too.
Eric: No dude, independent films are those black and white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Wendy: No they're not. Independent films are produced outside the hollywood system. They're movies without all the glitch and glamour of Hollywood.
Eric: Well, you show one independent film that isn't about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Wendy: Once again, you have no idea what you're talking about fat ass.
Eric: I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet, you skinny bitch.
Mr Garrison: Eric, if you call Wendy a bitch one more time I'm sending you to the principal's office.
Eric: Bitch.
Mr Garrison: That's it Eric.
Eric: I'm going.

I believed in Evolution

2006-04-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

Hi long time no blog. Not much significant things happened to me these few days however i found something that makes my belief that we evolved instead of being created.

Even as the evolution wars rage, on school boards and in courtrooms, biologists continue to accumulate empirical data supporting Darwinian theory. Two extraordinary discoveries announced this week should go a long way to providing even more of the evidence that critics of evolution say is lacking.

One study produced what biblical literalists have been demanding ever since Darwin -- the iconic "missing links." If species evolve, they ask, with one segueing into another, where are the transition fossils, those man-ape or reptile-mammal creatures that evolution posits?

In yesterday's issue of Nature, paleontologists unveiled an answer: well-preserved fossils of a previously unknown fish that was on its way to evolving into a four-limbed land-dweller. It had a jaw, fins and scales like a fish, but a skull, neck, ribs and pectoral fin like the earliest limbed animals, called tetrapods.

Discovered in 2004 on Canada's Ellesmere Island by Neil Shubin of the University of Chicago and Ted Daeschler of the Academy of Natural Sciences in Philadelphia, the 375-million-year-old Tiktaalik roseae "blurs the boundary between fish and land animals," said Prof. Shubin. It "is both fish and tetrapod," showing how life made the transition to land, evolving four limbs from fins.

Previously known fossils of ancient "lobe-finned fish" also seem poised between fish and tetrapods, with pectoral fins containing precursors of the humerus, radius and ulna of tetrapod armbones. But Tiktaalik (an Inuit word for shallow-water fish) makes a stronger case. Its pectoral fin still has thin, fish-like bones, but also contains the three armbones-to-be as well as a wrist-like structure and a hand-like one. The shoulder and elbow could bend, and the proto-wrist could extend, allowing the fin to support the body and propel it on land. "Tiktaalik shows us the stages in the evolution of the tetrapod body plan," says Dr. Daeschler.

Fossils from 10 Tiktaaliks were embedded in rock deposited by a meandering stream system, suggesting where that momentous step occurred.

But creationists, many of whose Web sites declare "there are no transitional forms," are not easily persuaded. John Morris of the Institute for Creation Research in Santee, Calif., says Tiktaalik "is just a variety of fish. There is still a huge gap [between fish and land-dwellers] that has to be filled."

Another discovery addresses something Darwin himself recognized could doom his theory: the existence of a complex organ that couldn't have "formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications," he wrote in 1859.

The intelligent-design movement, which challenges teaching evolution, makes this the centerpiece of its attack. It insists that components of complex structures, such as the eye, are useless on their own and so couldn't have evolved independently, an idea called irreducible complexity.

Because only functional structures survive, they say, useless components such as parts of an eye couldn't lie around for eons waiting for dumb luck to assemble them into a (finally) functional unit. These complex structures therefore must have been assembled by a designer.

One such complex structure is a hormone and its receptor. Just as a keyhole has no use without a key and vice versa, a hormone is useless without a receptor that lets it dock with a cell, and a receptor serves no purpose without hormones. Catch-22: Neither component could survive without the other, yet it strains credulity to suppose that both structures popped onto the evolutionary scene simultaneously.

To investigate this puzzle, biologists led by Joseph Thornton of the University of Oregon reconstructed an ancestral receptor. They first analyzed receptors for steroid hormones in 59 species, including primitive jawless fish and skates. Then, in a process called gene resurrection, they worked backward to infer what the gene for the ancestral receptor was, and actually made the receptor in the lab: a molecule that last existed on earth 450 million years ago.

Testing various hormones on the ancestral receptor, the scientists found that both aldosterone and another one fit. The ancestral receptor, therefore, was fully employed acting as the keyhole for this second hormone. When aldosterone appeared on the scene by random mutation, it co-opted the existing receptor, the researchers conclude in today's issue of Science.

The findings, says Christoph Adami of the Keck Graduate Institute of Applied Life Sciences, Claremont, Calif., "solidly refute" ID.

But refutation is in the eye of the beholder. No scientific discovery will end the evolution wars. For one thing, adherents of ID call the fact that scientists are studying reducible-complexity at all a victory for their side. "We're delighted they're engaging in a debate that they say doesn't exist," says Stephen Meyer of the Discovery Institute in Seattle, which pushes ID. Moreover, he says, the hormone-receptor system is not really irreducibly complex.

The trouble for ID is that this isn't the first study to show, step by step, how complex structures could have evolved. Recent experiments have shown how irreducibly complex structures such as bacterial flagella and the lens of an eye could have evolved by co-opting existing structures just as the hormone did. More such research is in the pipeline.

Phew hand is so tired after typing hahaha

Home

2006-04-15T06:00:00.000+08:00

Michael Buble - Home

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be allright
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

-------------------------------------------------------

I had a confession to make. I'm not really a fan of Michael Buble, in fact jazz and blues are really not my type of music. But I wondered why i'm so into this song so much. Probably that something that happened to me recently made me having this nostalgia feelings.

Basically this song is about a couple seperated and going on a seperate journey but end up finding their way back to each other. A classic love story i supposed.

Maybe it's because i fell head over heels in love with her but she ended up breaking my heart, but i still can't really get over her at least just not yet. Yet i don't really hated her or anything and still like her since day 1 without any changes in my opinion of her. I pray and pray to God hoping that he will let our path crosses again in the future and under the right circumstances where could really know how to cherish each other better than before. I am planning to buy the single for this song and hand her the copy the day I leave her for what could be forever. I hope she will someday realises what i love and misses her and what i did for her. I know i am going to want to be with her everyday until the day that i meet someone like her or better (if that days comes). There is always hope right? I'll continue to hope

A Sad Day, Moment and Time

2006-04-12T04:00:00.000+08:00

My saddest moment

I just updated my songs and i still feeling really hurt what she told me just now. She told me terrible things. I want to help her but i felt i don't know her anymore and i don't believed what i heard. Valerie, all i want is your love. But seriously, come away with me, leave everything while we still can. But i still can't believe what i'm hearing, my feelings and instinct was right. You've changed. Valerie you are breaking my heart over what you've had done and also what you've planned to do if all the questions i put out to you and your answer being yes. Only a demon deals in absolute. Quit following your feelings, do what you must and should have done long time ago and atoned for it, there is still alot of time for you to do it.

The reason why i personally chose these 2 songs.

Papa Roach - Scars:
A change has taken place in this person and now he finds himself looking back at the past and on the brink of a bright new future. And he realizes that he's cared so much for people and that's the very reason that he's had such tragedy.

"My scars remind me that the past is real"

And just when he's ready to try again, he is reminded of his scars and how he has been so open hearted but (as the cliche goes) used, abused, and left out like trash.

Now he's ready to do his thing, and so am I! I have spent the greater part of my 19 years living for other people, trying to fix others, and bleeding for the faith of others. And now I've learned the following: That people are needy and they'll suck your life away, that you can't help what chooses not to be helped, and that the only way you can surely help people is by getting on with your own life until you can give back to them from a distance.

Aerosmith - Hole in My Soul:
Its seems to me this song is about still being in love with someone who doesn't love you back so you go out to find someone to take their place:

"I'm down a one way street
With a one night stand
With a one track mind
Out in no man's land
The punishment sometimes
Don't seem to fit the crime"

but the thing is you can't replace this person and you're left feeling all lost and then you finally realize that you can move on and you feel nothing anymore. This really feels like when someone you care so much lets you down it leaves a bruise within yourself that no other relationship you might have will heal. Maybe someday, I will be brave enough to tell her how much she hurt me inside, and that she really was the one that turned the knife inside of me acting like she did. And she left a hole.

Slowly stepping out of that hurting situation and say goodbye is what this song means to me, and the pain it leaves you, even knowing that's the best and only thing you can do.

However, Valerie, my opinion of you had never changed at all. Not even once, i just felt really hurt, sad and depressed now.

True

2006-04-09T05:36:00.000+08:00

Ryan Cabrera - True

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

####################################

Hi all again, did some minor updates to the blog. I had a radioblog now and those songs on it is for you and i think you know who you are. I gave her a stalk of rose on friday and she was caught off guard i think. She told me that she was shocked as she never thought i would do so. The reason i gave her the rose is because she told me once that she had not recieved any flowers before so this idea just came to my mind. If i could, i would know what Tom Cruise did on Opray Winfrey Show where he jumped up and down portraying his love for Katie Holmes.

Actually speaking of Tom Cruise or rather the creature known as Tom Cruise. The reason i said that is because I really think Scientologist is some childplay. It's funny to see some weird people in this world worship or believed that alien inhabited their bodies since the time of the ancient people. What's even more ironic is that it's founder, L Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer.

This is the story WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE:

"Seventy-five million years ago, Xenu was the ruler of a Galactic Confederacy which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets including Earth, which was then known as Teegeeack. The planets were overpopulated, each having on average 178 billion people. The Galactic Confederacy's civilization was comparable to our own, with people "walking around in clothes which looked very remarkably like the clothes they wear this very minute" and using cars, trains and boats looking exactly the same as those "circa 1950, 1960" on Earth. Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of "renegades", he defeated the populace and the "Loyal Officers", a force for good that was opposed to Xenu. Then, with the assistance of psychiatrist, he summoned billions of people to paralyse them with injections of alcohol and alcohol, under the pretense that they were being called for "income tax inspections". The kidnapped populace was loaded into space planes for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The space planes were exact copies of Douglas DC-8 aircraft, "except the DC-8 had fans, propellers on it and the space plane didn't." DC-8s have jet engine not propellers, although Hubbard may have meant the turbine fans.

When the space planes had reached Teegeeack/Earth, the paralysed people were unloaded and stacked around the bases of volcanoes across the planet. Hydrogen bombs were lowered into the volcanoes, and all were detonated simultaneously. Only a few people's physical bodies survived.

The now-disembodied victims' souls, which Hubbard called ''thetans'', were blown into the air by the blast. They were captured by Xenu's forces using an ''"electronic ribbon"'' (which also was a type of standing wave) and sucked into vacuum zonesaround the world. The hundreds of billions of captured thetans were taken to a type of movie theater where they were forced to watch a 3D film|three-D, super colossal motion picture for 36 days. This implanted what Hubbard termed various misleading data (collectively termed the R6 implant implant) into the memories of the hapless thetans, which has to do with God, the Devil, space opera, etcetera. This included all world religions, with Hubbard specifically attributing Roman Catholic Church and the image of the Crucifixion to the influence of Xenu. The interior decoration of all modern theaters is also said by Hubbard to be due to an unconscious recollection of Xenu's implants. The two "implant stations" cited by Hubbard were said to have been located on Hawaii and Las Palmasin the Canary Islands.

In addition to implanting new beliefs in the thetans, the images deprived them of their sense of identity. When the thetans left the projection areas, they started to cluster together in groups of a few thousand, having lost the ability to differentiate between each other. Each cluster of thetans gathered into one of the few remaining bodies that survived the explosion. These became what are known as ''body thetans'', which are said to be still clinging to and adversely affecting everyone except those Scientologists who have performed the necessary steps to remove them."

To be frank, i actually don't quite hated them at all. I just laugh at their belief as this is what matched the term stupid. I believed they used threats too as i can related to a case of a scientologist named Issac Hayes. As most south park fans knew it, Issac Hayes was the voice of the wildly popular character named Chef in the series. It all happened when south park producers' Matt Stone and Trey Parker decided to make fun of the "religion".

However, Hayes quit South Park on March 14, 2006, after voicing the Chef character for nine seasons. His stated reason was that he was angry with the show's take on religion. Hayes quit South Park on March 14, 2006, after voicing the Chef character for nine seasons. His stated reason was that he was angry with the show's take on religion. Critics — including Matt Stone in a statement — charge that Hayes never had any problems with South Park's take on religion, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or Mormonism, until Scientology was criticized in the episode "Trapped in the Closet". In fact - Isaac Hayes's answer to a question on XM radio show "Opie and Anthony" several months ago "How do you feel about Matt and Trey making fun of scientology?" was along the lines of: "I have no problem with it, you have to take everything Matt and Trey say with a grain of salt." This leads to suspicion that Hayes was somehow coerced into quitting.

In the South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet", a satire and exposé of Scientology, Hayes did not appear in his role as Chef. In an interview for The A.V Club on January 4, 2006, Hayes was asked about the episode. Hayes said that he told the creators, "Guys, you have it all wrong. We're not like that. I know that's your thing, but get your information correct, because somebody might believe that shit, you know?" He then told them to take a couple of Scientology courses to understand what they do. He even went on to tell that if anybody take South Park seriously, then he would sell that person the brooklyn bridge for $2.

That is why i believe that scientologist is really but some clown stuff.

2006-04-05T07:57:00.000+08:00

Okay, i'm back to blog another entry into this never-ending blog of mine. I remember i first started blogging, i'm using the free webhosting from netfirm and my first template is a self-created one based on by favourite manga/anime of all times, One Piece. It had indeed came a long way that i have 223 posts now consider that i don't blog everyday.

Anyway, i'm so happy now that i had been given a chance for a potential relationship with her. I don't think i would confess to her just yet as i believe that actions speaked louder than words. I will make her feel good around me, show her that i care about her and hopefully things will happen naturally. I want her to feel my emotions but not just feelings. In fact I want to lay everything out in the open for her. I think i really like her as i had thought through this alot of times. I had put myself on a hypothetical planet and it had the worst surrounding and environment in the world. I imagined that in this place, there is nothing, only her beside me. Eventhough we could only be alive for the next few days, i would be really happy to spend the rest of my life with her. I know you will be reading this, i hoped that you really knew how i feel now.

Ok now into politics, well i really don't give a damn about who will win the upcoming election. I don't mind without PAP retook all the seats again or the oppositions got some margin of victories again PAP. Singapore is a peaceful place and no matter who win, as long as it's still peaceful, i really don't mind. If i can vote, i think i will put a blank vote into the voting box. I think i'll be more interested in foreign politic especially the US. Well I got to admire George Bush as a hardliner against terrorist but it's quite alarming for their narrow view of the world now. They think they are the only superpower in the world and the world only "legal" peacemaker. This is what resulted in Iraq and Afghanistan. They have not learnt their lesson from Vietnam and Somalia still and might be looking for another crushing defeat. I think their view stem from the time just after World War 2 where the world is being divided into Communist Russia and Democratic America. America wants to jump into any chance that will deprofile the Russian and vice versa. This is what they created--------> North and South Korea. They want to stop the communist north vietnam and even supported the corrupted south vietnam during the vietnam which supposed to be a civil war and their foreign intervention makes it all illegal. Their insufficient planning in Somalia caused 19 deaths among them which event even made it into a blockbuster war movie starring Josh Hartnett.

My eyes hurt as i had not sleep yet, going to blog again soon. Byebye

2006-04-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

3 doors down - Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
You're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It’s only you and me

Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It’s only you and me

##############################################

The above is for the lyric that is currently playing on my blog. The reason why i choose this song is because this song had the most powerful lyrics i ever heard. For those who don't know, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) used this song for the tribute video they did for Eddie Guerrero when he passed away suddenly in November last year. Basically it's above a person living a life without the person he holds dear. The person could have be suffering from the lost of a loved ones through death, a broken relationship or the other person is leaving home for somewhere which he will not be returning soon eg. national service, university, work in a foreign land and many other similar scenarios.

The song was originally written by the band's roadie for his wife as he had spent too much time touring with the band and had become homesick and missing his wife. The band came across the lyrics and decided to make it into a song and had since became one of their fans or listeners favourite.

The reason that i really liked this song is because it somehow related to me alot especially the part where the singer sang that he is without the person he was refering to yet the person is still on his mind and is always dreaming of him/her. It related to me is because i kept thinking of that someone i holds dear. I just had her on my dream when i slept last night, and i had her too on in my dream few days ago eventhough it's really strange as i don't really dreamt of people i knew in the past. All my dreams were strange but it should not be like this at all. But still i don't think i should care about anything just as this as i still got my life to live.

I had been feeling strange again the whole day. What i entered last night on my blog makes me feel like I'm becoming jealous or concerned when it became evident that someone is trying to woo her. I had told her that i want to delete the entry away with this reason but she say it doesn't matter at all. Haiz..........

2006-04-02T03:41:00.000+08:00

Blogging again at this ghostly hour. I had been in a very serious thoughts just now, it's like the ghost from my past came back and haunt me. I was talking regarding the behavior of Valerie's manager just now when suddenly i had thought of my former best friend cum classmates of 4 years. He was Valerie's ex-boyfriend in some sense eventhough she did not admit directly but still it's more of an open secret that everyone knows about. One day, he suddenly deleted me away from his contacts be it MSN or Friendster. I listened to alot of my former classmates that he still believes that i'm the one at fault regarding their relationship. This was obvious in one of his previous updated profile on his friendster with the lines like "G like V but V still don't know. G tells V and V tells H." I know it's quite a vague sentence and i myself do not understand it myself. But i can roughly made out of out what the initials meant. G is him, V is Valerie while H is the initial of my chinese name. Other than that, i really do not know what he meant too. After they broke up, he kept posting remarks aiming to made her guilty. I can't remember what he put but it's not really some nice things in my opinion. This is some opinion that is being shared with my good friend, Vanessa as well. But still i believed it's time to bury the past as someone told me as a man, if you kept thinking of the past, you will not progress into the future and be stuck in the present.

Back to what we were talking before i had that thought, I was telling her that her manager is trying to woo her. In my point of view, a person regardless of how close they are, they should not be phoning her every now and then. He is very interested to know what is she doing, who is she going out with and what is the relationship between her and the godbro. He even insisted on meeting her everytime at night and walk her home before jumping into the cab himself. I had nothing to say but still concluded that he is really trying to jio her. Call me sensitive but this is really what i felt everytime when i was out with her and the phones kept coming. She told me that she had not thought about what she would say if he is to propose to her one day and say that he liked her, i really have this instinct that this is coming sooner than later.

You may ask why am i feeling this? Can say that i'm really down on luck. I do not have the thing called 缘分 to be with her or something. I doubted she will care about me if i told her i like her the next time i met her or something as fate is simply not there at all. Maybe being close friends like what we are now will be the closest we ever get.

Anyway, i had watched Ice Age 2 today. One of the most funniest cartoon i ever watched in recent times and recommended all to watch it.

2006-03-31T18:30:00.000+08:00

It is a grey raining evening as i'm blogging this. This kind of weather is really good for sleeping but if i continue to sleep, i feared that i got to stuck cotton wool into my ears as i would definately be nagged by my mother.

Yesterday i had a memorable time at Tampines Sport Complex Badminton Hall. It's like quite sometimes since i had that kind of workout eventhough i believed that i had only played with 70% of my capacities. Still i developed some muscles ache on my arm, shoulder and my right thigh. I also had blister on my left heel which made me having difficulty in walking just now when wearing sandals to the coffee shop to buy my lunch cum dinner at 5pm. The reason i had such a late dinner is because i woke up at about 4pm, well i slept around 9am today as I was playing Lord of The Rings: The battle for MiddleEarth 2 on my computer since 4am in the morning. That game is so addictive and it's gameplay is much longer than the original. As a fan of the Tokien classic, it's really fun to play with.

With Manchester united's 1-0 win over West Ham on thursday, we are 9 points behind Chelsea. Eventhough i think the title could be a little beyond reach now but believe me, next season Chelsea will not have the title without a fight. If they underestimated their rivals next season, they will be knocking on death door.

I had been playing alot of PSP recently and the game i'm playing now is the Street Fighter Alpha 3 Max. It's so cool and brings my once lost street fighter fighting skill back. I had been playing too much RPG recently and had forgotten alot of the moves list especially the Akuma's 33 hits combo eventhough i'm not sure what it's called. But it will result in a instant victory when the opponent heath is a little bit lesser than 1/2 of it.

Oh gosh, i'm really craving for Ice Age 2 movie..... Can't wait for tomorrow as i had already planned to watch it at the new cinema, The Cathay @ Dolby Gaut.... hopefully she did not had any last minute stuff cropping up again.

Btw, the song playing on my blog is called 我有罪 (which meant I am Guilty) by 吴克群... the below are the lyrics

我知道我有罪
讲的罪
我太自以为
我知道我有错
讲的错
贪新又厌旧
说话大声是我就是我错
却不好说拈花惹草是我又是我
罪让你承受
就罚我唱情歌
说话别大声
我错我承认
就罚我唱情歌
越唱越大声
我爱我承认
唱到我声嘶力竭
那又如何
你值得更好的男人

我知道我有罪
讲的罪
只出一张嘴
我知道我有错
讲的错
坏朋友太多
让你伤心是我就是我错
却不好说痞子无赖是我又是我
罪让你承受

让我这罪人
嚷到心灰意冷
痛苦已喊不出声
你背已转身
我看到你伤痕
才知道我错我有多残忍

2006-03-26T03:55:00.000+08:00

It's almost 4am on my computer clock and i'm supposed to wake up at 6.45am later. hahaha, i guessed i really did turned into an night owl. I'm supposed to wake up that time is because i'm going to the cemetery later with my family and relatives to the annual tombsweeping festival. It's a chinese belief that every year we got to visit the grave or the place where our deceased loves one were buried or ashes stored. Haiz, got to burn my morning visiting that place especially i'm a heavy sleeper.

Well, i got some disturbing thoughts after Valerie told me she was prosessed by some ghost before. I remember a time when she grew so thin as if she starved for a few days. I passed it off as a stress as she told me she was really busy during that period. Well i'm not really that kind of guy that is very into religious stuff. I'm really find that earthling is very interesting. They believed in stuff that they had never seen before. Well eventhough i did not see one before but i do have some past experience with things from the supernatural kind before. It's not a spirit or ghost but from a buddhist deity back in year 2000. However i had lost faith in that religion or in fact all religion. I believed that we are not created but evolutionised. It's kind of hard to explain this theory especially alot is still under studies by scientists already the world.

Evolution proceeds from simpler forms to the more complex. The first animals were simple one-celled blobs of protoplasm. Then two-celled animals arose. They were followed by three-celled, four-celled, five-celled, etc. (If you find the mathematics here too difficult, just think of the numbers larger than one as "many.")

It is easy to see how this process led inevitably to more complex forms such as sponges, the worms and so forth. Especially if you don't think about it too much.

Thinking of this evolution topic, i suddenly have so much things to type about. But i think i will stop talking about this theory first as if i do i think i do not need to sleep anymore.

2006-03-24T03:49:00.000+08:00

I'm back at this ghostly hour just to blog another entry. Life at MacPherson finally ends and is now time to do greater things in my life. Thinking back, this 2 years at the campus passed really fast. I can still remember the time when i first went in the class which is MMT1R that time. It had since changed to MMT2X since year 2. I still remembers the time i had with my first class advisor, Ms zhao followed by Mr Ajay. My current class advisor, Ms Ho, she really sucks lor. Speaking of her, she sent the Examination Letter to my house and told me i still can handed it up on monday yet on the friday, she called just to kaopei say today last day or whatever crap. Ok since she insisted that last friday was the last day, fine i go back to MacPherson to hand the letter to her. Want to know what is the best thing? I still saw people handing up the form on monday. What the fack is this? Even if she dislike me, she had no power to do this even if she is a teacher.

Few days ago, a friend once asked me what does godbro-godsis meant to me? You know what i think? I think they are outdated stuff that belongs to my father generation. It's true that people from the olden generation thinks of it very seriously but now it's just some antic used to woo member of the opposite sex. I know of people who used this antic just to get close to the other half and there are some "success story" over it. This is why i don't believe in this godbro-godsis thing. I had this view because i was once offered by a person named Gloria to become her godbro. It's kind of embarassing saying this, as Gloria actually offered her body to me provided i buy whatever things she wanted for her. Kaoz, this would make me her pimpdaddy instead of "godbro". From that incident onward, i told myself that i really don't want myself to be involved in this thing. Anyway, hopefully i had not offended anyone by saying this as i'm just trying to be frank afterall. I apologised to whoever was offended.

From reading Valerie's blog, i came to known that i was called "Teddy Bear" by one of colleague. How this say, but i think i don't like the sound of it at all. Actually i'm not sure what i'm feeling but it's definately not a positive ones. Just like Pele disliking his famous nickname, i really disliked being called teddy bear. The funny thing is that that person that started this teddy bear thing don't even know me. I can't even remember how she looks like or rather i don't even see her before. This is what amazed me alot, maybe she really disliked how i looked like or something more personal, the reason she might only know it herself. Well call me xiao qi or whatever you want but i will not changed my view of being called a names that i don't like.

Not sure why but i really had a stomach of fire when typing this post. Maybe because there are something that i do not want to made known to everyone of you as it involved my personal life. And the whole Ms Ho thingy just made me even more angry all the time. Maybe my biopolar disorder is coming back or what.... it's just that i'm not feeling myself. It's like my inner demon trying to call my name and influencing my thoughts. I guess this post is for me to rant about my feelings.

Recently i had been reading alot about human and the world's evolution maybe i would share abit of it with you guys.

Our planets and solar system were formed when those remnants of a nebula that don't condensed from the gravity of the protostar. Instead, these remnants become a thin disc of dust and gas revolving around the protostar and begin to condense about local concentrations of mass within the disc. These concentrations become ever more dense until they collapse inward under gravity to form protoplanets. When the protostar has grown such that it ignites to form a star, its solar wind blows away most of the disc's remaining material. Thereafter there still may be many protoplanets orbiting the star or each other, but over time many will collide, either to form a single larger planet or release material for other larger protoplanets or planets to absorb. Meanwhile, protoplanets that have avoided collisions may become moons of larger planets.

Like the other planets in the Solar System, the Earth and Mars are thought to have condensed about 4.6 billion years ago from the solar nebula, a giant cloud of hot gas swirling around the young Sun. The evolution of the two planetary neighbours has been driven ever since by the loss of heat produced by radioactive decay within their interiors. To me, Mars is an attractive planet because many of the processes that happened on Earth, happened there as well.

The two planets share many similarities - both have hard crusts, dense cores and are made from the same materials, though in different proportions - but they are also very different. Today, Earth is a dynamic place, teeming with life. Mars is relatively static and lifeless - although it's just possible that primitive life exists below the surface.

It is not surprising that the evolution of the two planets has resulted in these very different outcomes. Mars is one and a half times as far away from the Sun as Earth: it's also much smaller. Mars is only one tenth the mass of Earth, which means it has lower gravity and lower pressures. It's not surprising that it lost a lot of volatiles - atmospheric gases and water - through impacts and high energy processes early on. Because of its smaller size, Mars has also cooled more rapidly than Earth which accounts for its present relatively static state.

The Earth's surface is still continually changing. Plate tectonics is one of the major forces that sees to that(eg. Earthquake, Volcano Eruption etc). New crust forms at seafloor spreading vents and old crust is swallowed up into the Earth's interior at subduction zones. Plate tectonics may have played a role in shaping the Martian surface during the planet's first 500 million years, but large parts of the Martian crust have been undisturbed by such major transforming forces. The lack of plate tectonics on Mars limited the planet's ability to recycle material. Four billion year old rocks are fairly common there.

Most of the southern hemisphere of Mars consists of such ancient crust. (Only small isolated pockets of 4 billion-year-old rocks still exist on Earth.) Planetologists date the surface of rocky planets from the number, size and degradation of impact craters: the higher the density of craters the older the crust. The southern crust of Mars is scarred by many impacts, indicating that it has not been reformed since the impacts were made. On the edges of this ancient crust are the largest volcanoes in the Solar System. Their great size suggests that they have been allowed to grow for billions of years undisturbed by major crustal recycling. The northern crust of Mars is far less scarred than in the south, suggesting a younger age. The processes that formed this young, lowland region, but left the south undisturbed.

Water has also played a major role in shaping Mars, just as it has on Earth. But whereas two thirds of the Earth's surface is still covered by water, there's no liquid water on the Martian surface today. Features resembling ancient river valleys, lake beds and glacial deposits suggest that water did once flow freely on Mars, but more than 3.8 billion years ago. It disappeared relatively suddenly, but no-one knows where or how. The Earth's magnetic field protects the atmosphere from the eroding effects of the solar wind. Mars has no global magnetic field, so the atmosphere is prey to the continuous stream of charged particles flying out from the Sun. The lack of a magnetic field suggests that the circulation of molten iron in the planet's core is too sluggish to generate a dynamo. But recent observations by NASA's Mars Global Surveyor spacecraft have revealed evidence for a powerful magnetic field in the first few million years of Mars's history. What turned off the magnetic field will always be a mystery as we can only speculated. So three of the major processes that have shaped the Earth's environment - plate tectonics, a global magnetic field and flowing water - may also have shaped that of Mars. But they did so early in the planet's history. For 3.8 billion years or so, they have had little, if any effect. And this are the reasons why Mars does not have any living things despite being billed as Earth's sister planet. Now i'm going to explain how Life on Earth started.

Life started when a comet most probably from Mars fell onto Earth billions of years ago. The most primitive life that most scientist and astronomers identified is the archeobacteria which also include bacteria that cannot live in an oxygen atmosphere and that use methane to produce energy. That means there was an abundant source of methane in the early earth environment just like Titan, one of Saturn's moon. Coz when looking at the Titan now, we are looking at the best model of Earth in it's early stages. There is no indication that methane was ever a constituent of any martian atmosphere. Given what we know about organosynthesis, it is far more likely to me that life could have appeared independently on two planets rather than sprung from a common source.

However the archeobacteria that inhabited Earth in the Precambrium produced oxygen as a waste gas and so helped establish an aerobic ecosystem.They grew in shallow sea water where they formed mats, and used incoming sunlight for photosynthesis. When such a bacterial mat was covered by mud or sand, light could no longer penetrate and the organisms died. A new mat could form on top of this, and the fossilized buildup of millions of layers resulted in the formation of Stromatolites, which can be seen to this day.

There are three major known groups within the Archaebacteria: methanogens, halophiles, and thermophiles. The methanogens are anaerobic bacteria that produce methane. They are found in sewage treatment plants, bogs, and the intestinal tracts of ruminants. Ancient methanogens are the source of natural gas. Halophiles are bacteria that thrive in high salt concentrations such as those found in salt lakes or pools of sea water. Thermophiles are the heat-loving bacteria found near hydrothermal vents and hot springs.

The presence of Archaea and Bacteria changed Earth dramatically. They helped establish a stable atmosphere, and produced oxygen is such quantities that eventually life forms could evolve that needed oxygen in stead of producing it. The new atmospheric conditions calmed the weather so that the extremes were less severe. Life had created the conditions for new life to be formed. It is one of the great wonders of Nature that this could take place.

So, if any It is also possible that if there is any life on Earth billion of years ago, it could have gotten there from Mars by the same meteoritic impact and hitch hiking process. Some scientists still think it is possible that much of the organic processing that led to life on Earth happened off-Earth, and this could include even the partial assembly of DNA material. Lastly, Planetary surfaces are far more stable and hospitable places for stitching together large molecules than the surfaces of dust grains, small asteroids and comets.

Phew after typing such a long entry, my fingers really felt tired.

2006-03-14T00:05:00.000+08:00

Hello all after more than a month of hiatus.

I'm Back (in the tone of Kyle Schwartz of South Park)

During these 2 months alot of things had happened. First of all, on 3rd of March 2006, i was diagnosed and suspected of having diabetes. When i heard this from the army doctor at central manpower base, i was devastated. Partly because, i was so young and i can't believe i got this disease that in my eyes belongs to the seniors. I couldn't sleep or eat over the weekend as i had a confirmation test on the coming monday. Fortunately, subsequent tests proved negative and i did not have it at all. But still after this ordeal, i finally come to think that maybe it's time for me to take care of my body afterall. As it's my body for life, and there is no subsitute for that. Once anything spoiled, it's gone.

It's already 3months since i had become a moderator at keeptouch forum. Well it's a nice experience as i have never being mod before in any popular forum in this vast internet world and i am really happy to continue my service for the forum.

Just last night i had finished the powerpoint of my final year project and i was really satisfied with it. I hoped we could score during our presentation next week. This is technically my last week at ITE MacPherson and i cant wait for it to end. After that i will have to go to appeal to Republic Poly hoping that they let me into any course offered there.

Anyway, recently i had a chat with Valerie and was surprised that we've already being friends with each other for 7 years already. This shown that time really do flies. Well it's a pity that i'm only close to her recently especially when both of us will almost look at each other at the eyes in class at loyang. I not sure whether will we ever be schoolmates again and will i go to the same polytechnic as her. Anyway, the reason i want to go RP is because i feel that the way they teach is cool and i'm also sick of the traditional lecturer-student kind of teaching. I want to be a independent person.

Anyway i think i have nothing to blog about now. Hopefully from today onwards, i can blog on a daily basis.

2006-02-10T00:45:00.000+08:00

I here to blog another entry. I'm quite excited as tomorrow onwards, i can start applying for the higher nitec course i wanted. So long ITE MacPherson eventhough i had bitter sweet memories of the place but it's ending soon. Actually i'm really looking forward to leaving the school, not sure maybe because it really do not holds anything important to me just like what loyang secondary school did.

There was a controversy recently over the recent drawing of a certain islamic figure. It's not that i care or like about muslim but i still feels it amusing. Maybe they are serious about this issue while it provided a certain entertainment for me, a non-muslim.

Anyway, i really hated my mum now. She don't want to take care of her own finance, now she is a little lost in term of financial situation and had been stealing me and my sister's money to pay off her debt. WTF, if she did take care of her money in the first place, i don't think this will happened to her at all.

2006-02-06T00:58:00.000+08:00

Hi all, i'm here again blogging another issue. Yeah i have a new blogskin. The reason i chose this skin is because i'm really into this song by papa roach. Well i had the lyric out in my earlier post. Basically it's about someone helping his friend that doesn't really wanted his help. I don't really have a reason on why i chose this song just that i like this song.

Friday went for keeptouch lao yu sheng outing 2006. I really enjoyed the outing alot eventhough i'm the last one to reach there at about 8:30pm. But before that i'm not really feeling well. I guessed that i ate too much and drunk too much alcohol the day before my class officially restarted. Time really flies doesn't it, it's already 9th day of the chinese new year and will be ending in another 8 days time after all the hype to the new year.

Recently i also bought another PSP game. It's Taiko no Tatsujin Portable. A psp edition of the popular Taiko Drum Master for Arcade and PS2. It's really addictive but it hurted my eyes alot as it's in 2D and alot of flashy colour but still it's quite nice to play.

Anyway, i think i'm going off.... will blog when i have the time.

2006-01-25T05:52:00.000+08:00

Papa Roach - Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:] I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

I'm back here again blogging another entry to this blog. I felt that i'm neglecting my blog for quite sometimes already. Anyway, i just changed the song on this blog to Scars by Papa Roach. A super great song and it's so addictive. I think this is the first time i'm saying this. I had been playing this song on my psp on repeating mode. HAHAHAHA

Recently especially these few days i have a fire in my eyes. I just felt so easily agitated by everything. Even in school, i tried not to show it to my classmates. Maybe my bipolar disorder is getting worst already? I felt that i had managed to keep it under control but i think i was wrong in my opinion. It most probably just become "inactive". My mother also become such as nagger recently, and i really hated her. She really spoiled my day when the first thing in the morning, she pulled a long face at me for no apparent reason. That is why i'm very agitated recently, i had the feeling of anger now especially nothing really happened before.

2006-01-11T02:08:00.000+08:00

Eventhough this is not a post but this is what my name meant :p

You entered: tan huan neng, jason

There are 16 letters in your name.
Those 16 letters total to 61
There are 6 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 8

A Soul Urge number of 8 means:
With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flare for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.

Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.

The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.

Your Inner Dream number is: 8

An Inner Dream number of 8 means:
You dream of success in the business or political world, of power and control of large material endeavors. You crave authority and recognition of executive skills. Your secret self may have very strong desire to become an entrepreneur.

2006-01-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

First of all, I want to wish everybody a happy new year 2006 and hopes that it will be a fruitful one. School is starting soon yet i'm not in a right mindset to attend it yet. Too much stuff had happened during the holidays, both good and bad. Well, it's good as the good outnumbered the number of bad stuff i had. Personally the bad stuff is only that i can't control my bipolar disorder and that's all. I think the good stuff well i not sure whether am i supposed to say it out yet but i think i would. I am being appointed a moderator at keeptouch forum. It's like a dream come true as i never thought that i would be a moderator at such big local forum. Officially through a private message of an admin there, my status should had been upgraded on new years' day but i not sure why that's not the case yet. But i don't there is anything to worry about, probably the admins were busy or something and i'm not hoping for the worst yet. I think having the bipolar disorder actually helps me alot. I feel that my thinking had become more mature and stuff. Bipolar disorder is not really a bad thing in my opinion. I feels that it's a test for me to better myself.

Speaking of bipolar disorder, few nights ago i had this strange dream when i was sleeping. I dreamt of jakob and i were sitting down having our meal and talking to each other. I think that it's not strange to have dreamt of a friend but i feels that it's so real and "her attitude" in my dream were no different in real life. I even remember how our conversation goes.

jakob: how are you late?
me: well, as per normal nothing good at all.
jakob: you are depress again?
me: i think so.
jakob: well, how many times must i say. depression is something that you brought it yourself. it will be over when you want it too.
me: you are another person that don't understand me at all. you know when i was depressed, i doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It felt as though my mind had burned out to a point of virtually useless. I am so haunted.... with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. I will definately say "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it..."but of course, i doubted you or any other people have any idea how i feel, although they are certain they do. If i can't feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?
jakob:.....
me: Well i'm really depressed at a time, next i'm extremely mania. At first when I'm high, it's tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear…. All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes. The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many… overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it—memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…. everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.
jakob: well i still believe it's all crap to me...

at this point i'm awaken by the people doing renovation nearby. I was shocked when i had this dream as it's so real. I'm not sure if there is any hidden message or not since i do not had such dreams before. Of all my dreams, it's all with those funny or eccentric people. But this is the first time i had someone that is so close to her real persona.

Tomorrow might be watching King Kong with Gabriel. I think most people will not believe as till now i had not watched it yet. If time permit, i might be watching The Promise as well. LOL

2005-12-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

I got the below from a forum.... not sure why but i felt that it's so true, maybe this tells alot about me

Purple Sheep wish relationships to be gentle.
You are modest and quiet, and will not oppose to other people's opinions.
Nevertheless, you have strong ego, and your personal security comes before anything else.
You are always cautious, and think highly of objectivity.
You do not act subjectively.
You tend to lack adventurous heart.
Because you don't move around much, you are diligent and have a lively imagination.
You have a very observant eye, and are quick on changes that occur in the society.
You have wide vision, and are a well-read person and well informed person.
You have high aspirations, and have rather huge dreams.
You would put in great effort to make your dreams come true.
You tend to be obstinate about the things you think are right.
This may unbalance your relationship with the others.
Have flexible heart, and you will get unexpected success.
You think highly of obligations and duty, but you also have good sense of humor.
If you be more concerned about cooperativeness, you can definitely be able to gain popularity.
You are a well-informed man, so use that advantage as a backroom boy, and you will achieve great success.

2005-12-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

As i'm typing this post, i'm not feeling very good. It's like a living hell here over in my head. I had so much heavy thoughts here and there. I do not want to take my medication because it makes me so much like a living zombie. Without any expressions or emotions just like what happened when i went to watch The Chronicles of Narnia last thursday. I don't feel anything when i supposed to laugh, and don't feel excited when i supposed to be as well. If i didn't not take it, i will feel like what i am feeling now. I felt really sad for no reason at all, i cried when i thought of something that happened over the last few weeks. I felt so empty eventhough everyone are having the festive mood over the weekend. This is probably the worst episode of my life now.

Since yesterday was christmas day, which is Jesus Christ birthday. Before falling asleep, i kept asking myself why did God create human. I couldn't thought of the real answer because all i could think of is God create human for malice and misery. Like Sauron creating his one ring, god put all his malice into human so we can suffered his sin he felt before creating us. That is the real reason why mankind will never find peace even in death. In this world, there are no such thing as Peace or Love. Just Malice, Cruelty and Misery.

When i was cutted on my face this morning while shaving, blood flows down my cheek. But i did not feel a single pain at all. All i do was staring at the mirror, looking at myself. Maybe "that" person on the mirror is not me anymore. When i look at "him", i saw a complete stranger. Someone that had too much trouble going through his head, too much heavy thoughts forcing their way out and too much problem to think off yet was unable to solve them or cannot runaway.

I had been sleeping lately too. Going into the dreamland is the best way to runaway from it all eventhough it's just for that few hours. The strange stuff that i dreamt off makes the whole sleep wonderful but the moment i opened my eyes, i had started to feel dull again. I think i'm starting to hallucinate as well. I always "see" my room door opened whenever it's closed and always had a feeling of someone watching me from the corner of my room eventhough i'm alone in my house.

I knew i am a sick dude, but this is what i feels now. Maybe i should really follows the doctor advise of taking the medication everytime instead of skipping it.

My Heartfelt Apology

2005-12-25T02:17:00.000+08:00

Dear Jakob,

I had done alot of thinking over the past few hours since leaving her house about what happened over the past weeks. I want you to know that everything that I'm about to say is coming from me, who is not affected by bipolar disorder. I know that it will be very difficult for you to accept my apology, but I want you to think about our friendship as well.

The main reason i decided to write you this letter is because since met you, i felt that our friendship had become too valuable to lose over some silly actions by me. I feel that i could and should had handled it in a better way, but you never gave me a chance to speak or rather i had did not know what to say for that matter. I hope this post will give us both a chance to understand one another better.

I admit that I was wrong for telling people that you blocked me on msn and claiming that you hated me without hearing your opinion first, but the reason for that is because I had developed a false belief of you as well as some other stuffs due to the bipolar disorder that I'm having now and also I felt that i can coped with it already. I want you to know that I am very sorry and this is a special blog entry from me to you, saying that I'm Really Sorry!! I think that I have made the right decision writing this to you. Please reply to me as i really wanted to hear from you.

Yours' Sincerely,

Jason

A present issue concerning MOE's 5 day week?

2005-12-07T06:42:00.000+08:00

I not sure how to say but a similar problem caused Loyang Secondary School's SJAB to close down. It has too affected other schools as well. Kudos to him to have the guts to take up the challenge and write to the newspaper regarding this issue.

2005-12-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

The song playing on this blog now is called Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis. One of the greatest song in the world now in my opinion.

Anyway, our nation had been under some negative limelight in the recent weeks. An vietnamese-australian was hanged last friday due to drug trafficking despite pleas from the australian government and the united nation. Well, all i can say is that i'm in for his execution. He had already been warned many times on the plane as well as at the airport that bringing drug into my country above 0.5gram brings a death penalty. Even below that amount, it already had a life sentence on the person if convicted. His defense was that he was helping his twin brother to pay off debt as well as his own. A very weak arguement in my opinion as there are alot of jobs in the world that he took up to pay off the debt. He had 396.2gram of heroin strapped into his body when he was caught which is about 25 times the amount that mandates a death sentence. At least our government stepped down a little because his mother was allowed to hug and touch him on the day before his execution. Normally, they only be allowed to speak to each other through the glass panel at the death row. I'm also surprised by the fact that in australia, the people over there actually holds a virgil for him. What the fuck, a virgil and memorial in a wide scale for a convicted person. I don't know what are they thinking and somemore, they claimed that they are against death penalty but are pushing for death for the bali bombers and terrorists all along. This really contradicted themselves and really made them looks like some cross-faced bastards. Also, some childish admin over at putfile.com actually blocked all singapore ip from using their service. Well you people are plain immature and i might be younger than you, but i still knew all my actions all along even i always act like an plain idiot all the time. Please, you are not the only one offering uploading and hosting service in the world and not the best as well. There are much better alternative such as savefile, rapidshare, yousendit or even youtube for us singaporean to use. Somemore your arguement is regarding our method, how about you donating a electric chair, some bullet or even manufacture dosage for the lethal injections for our use.

My personal opinion is that eventhough i too against capital punishment as man cannot play God. Only God himself can take away a person life because he is the creator of man. Just like the saying "I can make you, and i can break you as well." But laws are laws. Imagined a place without rules, i guessed it will not be an utopia as most people imagined. I'm happy that Singapore had a reputation of being a nanny state as it had made our lives more safer. Seldom had in any country that the people feels safe walking on the street late at night. We also had the lowest crime rate in the world, had one of the busiest port and airport in the world. Singapore is also one of the few countries in Asia that emerged from the ruin of World War 2 to become one of the most high tech country in the span of 30 years. We are considered a 1st world country in geography terms and i'm proud of that. Even our neighbour such as Malaysia is only considered inbetween 1st world and 3rd world. Can say being "2nd world" if that term exist. Anyway, if we really go and so called cancel his execution, i guessed alot of people in the deathrow will sure to push for the same rights. This cannot happened unless there is abolishment of death penalty. For your info, the hanging is the longshot method. Which is the most effective in term that it death occured only 3minutes after the trapdoor opened. Even the prisoner might not knew he was dead because the moment it opened, he is already unconcious. Some may claimed that he is moving or struggling and that is because of his spinal or muscle reaction. The most barbaric method is the electrocution method as some of them turned into "charcoal" because a simple jolt couldn't get them to die.

So the debate about him, australia, capital punishment are very meaningless. And putfile's admin, get a life. Suspending singaporean from using your service will not make any difference at all.

2005-11-12T19:00:00.000+08:00

Hallo bloggen alle, ich momentan auf Englisch. Wenn irgendjemand weiß, was dieses Mittel, bitte freundliche Erwiderung zurück zu mir HAHA.

Der Grund, warum ich wollen würde, in der deutschen Sprache zu bloggen, ist, weil ich sehr in ein deutsches Band bin, hat Rammstein gerufen. Sie sind wirklich kühl und Sie Burschen sollen wirklich es irgendwann versuchen.

Ich bin nur tatsächlich zurückgekommen, denkend noch, ob ich die Leute für Kegelnausflug oder nicht treffen will.

Sowieso werde ich wieder bloggen. Ich werde Sie Leute später sehen. Erinnern Sie sich, an England über Argentinien späterem hahaha zu unterstützen